


Akaashi's List of Steps to Make Sakusa and Atsumu Get Together

by infptwriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hints of Smut, M/M, Matchmaking, Post Time Skip, Slow Burn, Spoilers!, based on a fanart (w/ authorization by the artist), but not too much angst just a bit, cursing, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:27:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24548365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infptwriter/pseuds/infptwriter
Summary: Bokuto gets invested in his teammates' love life.Akaashi suffers and wants his sex life back.So, they make a plan.ORBokuto and Akaashi play matchmaker for Sakusa and Atsumu because Akaashi can't get Bokuto to sleep with him without mentioning Sakusa and Atsumu's sexual tension.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 108
Kudos: 1598





	1. when it all begins

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Welcome to this CRAZY blackhole I fell into recently!  
> FIRST OF ALL, we need to set some things straight. This is post time skip, full of spoilers AND based on this amazing and beautiful fanart by moii on twitter ( https://twitter.com/moiemoii/status/1264254313192321024 ) and it is essential for this work. Thank you SO MUCH moii for allowing me to use your idea to create this ff! I am having a blast, honestly.  
> It's vaguely based on the fanart and it won't be the exact same as moii's work, okay? It's quite difficult to write 31 steps like this and I created some background, so... Anyways!  
> No smut will be written, BUT it will be hinted! And bad words, we are using bad words here!  
> This will be multi-chapters because listen, it's gonna be quite long okay? I'm not sure how many yet because I haven't finished the whole fic, but hopefully next time I come back I will have answers.  
> I hope you all enjoy it!

Just like his usual Friday routine, Akaashi left his office right after 6pm, saying goodbye to the other staff and wishing them all a good weekend. Saturdays were usually when that Akaashi worked from home, so he managed to usually spend some time with his boyfriend. Since their schedules were different, not every weekend was the same, but now that the volleyball season has just ended and the games are on hiatus, Bokuto is at home more often – or at least in Tokyo. Bokuto is always training hard to stay in shape and keep up his technique, and Akaashi can’t complain, honestly. Not when he  _ adores _ licking Bokuto’s abs and how his arms flex when he’s fucking him senseless.

He sighs contently, heading towards the train station, fishing his phone to call Bokuto to see if he’s up for some takeout tonight. Akaashi doesn’t feel like cooking, he just wants to enjoy the free time he has with his boyfriend these days. And to be quite honest, he wants to spend this free time in the  _ bedroom _ , rather than resting.

He dials him quickly as he waits for his train, and after two rings, his boyfriend answers. “Koutarou,” his voice low and soft, the one only Bokuto Koutarou gets to hear.

“Keiji! Are you already on the way home?”

_ Home _ is the word that always warms Akaashi’s heart. Since they moved in together, calling their apartment their  _ home _ feels different. Perhaps to anyone else, it doesn’t look like a home, but slowly they made it to be theirs. With a few plants, one Akaashi cares for a lot, and a slight decoration, it slowly turned into something they both cherish and love to live in. They have pictures from Fukurodani, their graduation’s, Bokuto’s first official game, and Akaashi’s college graduation. They have small decorations around their house that were presents from family and friends, like a small Christ the Redeemer figure that Hinata brought them from Brazil, or the poster Konoha saw somewhere once of the MSBY Black Jackals that had Bokuto on it, so he bought it and made them hang it in their living room. It’s perhaps messy sometimes, and they don’t spend a lot of time there, but it’s where Bokuto and Akaashi become so intertwined that they become one.

“Yes, actually,” he continues just as the train stops before him and he waits for people to leave the train. “I was wondering if you want some takeout tonight.”

“Takeout sounds amazing tonight, ack, training today was stressful!” Bokuto goes on as Akaashi enters the train. It’s not very crowded and he stands in a corner. It’s just two stops away. “I don’t feel like cooking tonight, anyway.”

Akaashi hums and adjusts his glasses. “What would you like to eat? I could pick it up on my way home.”

“We haven’t had any ramen in a while!” Bokuto says excitedly and Akaashi huffs a laugh.

“Of course, Koutarou,” he says, and watches people leave the train. His stop is the next one. “I’ll stop by that ramen place on my way home. I’ll be there in 30.”

“You’re the best, Keiji! Be safe, love you!”

Akaashi blushes just like he does every time and hides his face behind a fake cough.

“Love you, too.” He murmurs before hanging up and putting his phone away.

He doesn’t think he will ever get used to this.

.

As promised, Akaashi arrives 30 minutes later with their dinner and the table is already set. He can hear the washing machine in the background running, which means Bokuto has been cleaning before Akaashi got home. He says quietly “I’m home” as he takes off his shoes and slides into his slippers but doesn’t hear Bokuto welcome him. He looks at the kitchen again and their ready table, but Bokuto isn’t there or in the couch by the living room.

He leaves their dinner on the table and his bag on the hanger by the door. As he goes into the house, he hears noise in the bathroom and realizes that his boyfriend is in there.

“Kou?” he asks anyway, more in a way to let him know he’s home already.

The door suddenly opens and it’s Bokuto, his hair down – the way Akaashi loves best – with a smile on his lips. “Welcome home!”

Akaashi can’t help but smile back. “I’m home,” he says softly as Bokuto steps into his personal space and kisses him softly on the lips. He sighs into his mouth, his hand reaching for his jaw to feel more of the man he’s so passionate about. Bokuto never disappoints and kisses him like they haven’t seen each other in months – with a fire, a passion and such enthusiasm that it makes Akaashi breathless and excited all at once. When they break apart, Akaashi rests his forehead against his and sighs again, content and relaxed. “Now I’m home.”

Bokuto laughs, his hands curling in Akaashi’s hair. “You’re so cheesy, Keiji.” He kisses the top of Akaashi’s nose anyway, lips curling into an amused smile. “Welcome home, then.”

Akaashi hums, content. “Learned from you, of course.”

Bokuto laughs again and kisses his left cheek. “Come on, I’m hungry.”

“So am I,” Akaashi says and stares at Bokuto’s ass as he passes by. “But not exactly for food.”

“Oh my god, you’re  _ really  _ cheesy,” Bokuto says while laughing and getting their takeout. Akaashi smiles and joins him, helping him finish setting up their table.

“Can you blame me? You have rubbed off on me, I think.”

“I’m not complaining,” Bokuto goes on and bumps his hips with Akaashi’s softly, smiling playfully at him. “It’s kind of refreshing to hear you saying these kinds of things for once, actually.”

Akaashi hums but doesn’t answer. He’ll leave this conversation for later. As they sit at the table, say thanks for their food, and start eating, Akaashi starts talking again.

“How was your day? You mentioned training being stressful.”

Bokuto sighs dramatically, something so characteristic of him, and drops his chopsticks for a moment. “I think Omi-kun and Tsum-Tsum are in love.”

Akaashi pauses. He looks at his food, then at Bokuto, then at his food again. “Where is this even coming from?” he asks and continues eating. Leave it to Bokuto to be far too invested into his teammates’ love life.

“They just!” he says urgently and Akaashi raises an eyebrow.  _ Oh, _ he thinks,  _ he’s getting way too hooked up into this _ . “They are always ogling each other, giving heart eyes when they think the other isn’t seeing... and Keiji! The sexual tension is unbearable! It’s even worse than we were, I swear!”

Now, both of Keiji’s eyebrows raise. Bokuto  _ noticing _ sexual tension? It had to be pretty obvious considering how oblivious he had been to their own sexual tension in the beginning anyway.

“Are you sure you’re just not imagining it? Maybe they have this sort of competitiveness that brings tension or something…” he ponders and thinks of mentioning Hinata, from Karasuno, now Bokuto’s teammate, and Hinata’s former setter, Kageyama. They had this endless competition between them, but now Akaashi wonders if their tension was just from competitiveness alone, and he doubts it.

“I kind of want to do something, I don’t know… Maybe talk to them ?” he asks more to himself than to Akaashi and his boyfriend winces.

“Don’t intervene, Kou, let them figure it out for themselves,” Akaashi says, and Bokuto nods, eyes traced with sadness for a second. “Is it ruining your team’s relationship or something?”

“Not at all,” he says lowly and continues eating, pausing for a second. “They’re both very professional when they have to be. But it’s kind of sad. It reminded me of us.”

Akaashi’s eyes soften. So, this is why Bokuto is bothered, because he doesn’t want his teammates to miss the chance to have what they have. Bokuto’s heart is too big sometimes, Akaashi thinks, but it’s what makes him such an amazing person, one of the many reasons why Akaashi loves him so much. He’s too kind and wants everyone to be happy, too.

“Kou,” he says softly and holds his hand forward, offering for him to grab his hand. When he does, he squeezes it kindly and smiles at him. “Baby, you know you can’t expect everyone to be as lucky as we were. Allow them time to figure it out themselves. We managed, didn’t we? Have some faith in them as well.”

Bokuto smiles shyly and squeezes his hand back. “You’re right.”

The conversation is dropped then, and Bokuto asks Akaashi back about his day. He tells him about what happened, the new manga they’re about to drop, his deadlines, the amount of work he needs to get done tomorrow – which is why he’ll wake up as soon as Bokuto does for his morning run. The sooner he finishes everything tomorrow, the more free time they have to spend together.

“We should check that fair tomorrow, if possible,” Akaashi suggests as they wash the dishes and clean the table. “I’ve been meaning to go for a while now.”

“If you manage, yeah. I have this weekend off, for once,” Bokuto says back, but then hums again. “Actually, I have to go and train for a bit tomorrow morning, but I should be home before eleven,” he completes and Akaashi nods, so they quietly, between a comment or another, finish cleaning the kitchen.

It’s early, Akaashi notices as he looks at the clock. But before he can say anything or suggest anything, Bokuto hugs him from behind and kisses his neck, lingering there. Akaashi sighs again, satisfied and content and he  _ feels _ Bokuto laughing on his back and neck.

“I knew it,” he whispers in Akaashi’s ear and he immediately shivers. Without even thinking, he slowly throws his head back to give Bokuto more access to his neck. Bokuto kisses there softly, his teeth scraping the skin gently. “Takeout, kissing me more than the usual, I knew I felt some tension you wanted to release there.”

He sucks a spot on Akaashi’s neck, and he isn’t even ashamed of the moan that escapes his lips. He’s already half hard and when Bokuto rocks into his ass, he can see that he’s in the same state. A breathy moan leaves his lips again and he almost melts when Bokuto whispers in his ear, “why don’t we move this to the bedroom?”

He didn’t need to say that twice.

. 

Akaashi is enjoying his Sunday off with Bokuto – after a whole Saturday morning working – when he brings it up again. To be fair, he hadn’t been expecting any of this; Bokuto had been jumping from topic to topic nonstop and Akaashi had been only half listening. He knows better than to pay close attention to Bokuto’s ramblings, especially because he's the number one gossip source on their team – when did he get obsessed with gossiping, Akaashi isn’t sure.

But it seems his new obsession is  _ specifically  _ Miya Atsumu, Sakusa Kiyoomi, and their love life. Apparently, the word  _ life  _ being singular since it’s happening between them, because Bokuto swears on everything that there’s something going on between them (it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have any proof –  _ yet _ , he says).

“Omi-kun and Tsum-Tsum have this strange sexual tension going on, Keiji, I swear to you!” he keeps going while Akaashi hums, sipping his tea quietly while they sit on the couch and talk, the TV long forgotten. “There’s something going on, I need to find out.”

“Kou, shouldn’t you just drop this? Let them figure it out themselves, remember?” Akaashi provides, but Bokuto isn’t even listening to him, mumbling to himself how he’s going to get proof and set them up together. Akaashi sighs, putting his mug on their coffee table and straddling Bokuto’s lap.

That gets his attention, because he looks at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow and a cocky smile. Akaashi smirks, kissing him softly on the lips for a moment before they both open their mouths and melt into the kiss.

Akaashi lets his head go silent and numb while he kisses his boyfriend, his hands traveling up his muscular arms to hang around his neck. Bokuto threads his fingers through Akaashi’s hair while the other hand grabs his ass, and Akaashi moans into his mouth. He rocks into him, his idea to distract his boyfriend turning into something much better than what he had expected. When Bokuto lips leaves Akaashi’s to find his neck, Akaashi throws his head back and sighs quietly, not able to remember what they were talking about just a moment before.

Bokuto, though, seems to have never forgotten. He stops what he’s doing, letting his forehead rest against Akaashi’s neck. “They don’t get to have this, either. I  _ have  _ to do something... for their happiness.”

Akaashi thinks Bokuto is just rambling again, but when he  _ doesn’t _ continue it’s like a bucket of cold water was thrown on his head. Bokuto leans back and starts mumbling nonsense about Sakusa’s and Miya’s schedules and how to make them admit their feelings, making Akaashi sigh softly and leave his lap. He grabs his mug and heads to the kitchen, leaving it in the sink.

A cold shower is what he needs, he decides, as he just got cockblocked by his  _ own boyfriend _ . He needs a cold shower and his boyfriend needs a new obsession, he decides bitterly.

.

It’s on Thursday when things take a completely different turn for Bokuto’s life. He had been thinking hard about how to make Miya and Sakusa admit their feelings for each other and get over their sexual tension.  _ It’s too much,  _ he thinks,  _ perhaps Shou-kun has noticed, too? _

He’s leaving after practice, ready to go home to see Akaashi, eat dinner, and spend some quality time with him. He and Hinata always walk together to the train station, and it’s always a great time for Bokuto because he gets to hear more of his stories in Brazil. Bokuto feels a sense of pride rush through him every time, because Hinata has been calling him his ‘mentor” since high school, and he even still calls him it sometimes as a joke. 

It’s during this Thursday evening that he thinks of asking Hinata about his theory. They are leaving the building, and Hinata is mentioning a dinner during the weekend he’s going to have with his friends from high school when suddenly Bokuto realizes he has forgotten something vital.

“Ack!” he yells, stopping in a halt, dropping his bag on the floor. Hinata stops talking and gives him a questioning look. “Wait a second, Shou-kun, I forgot my phone! Goddamn!”

Hinata laughs and nods at him, and Bokuto runs back into the building, his bag forgotten on the ground next to Hinata. He runs until he’s close enough to the locker room so he can start walking again, his thighs burning slightly from the amount of work he has already done today. As he nears the lockers, he hears some noises coming from inside but doesn’t think much of it, since Sakusa and Miya stayed after Bokuto and Hinata left.

He should have remembered there were people there, or paid attention to the noise inside, is what he realizes as soon as he walks into the locker rooms, because the same Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi – his teammates who have been carrying this weird sexual tension between them – are, currently, kissing madly while they’re both  _ almost fully naked _ . Bokuto stops right at the entrance, eyes shooting wide open and mouth open in shock. It’s even worse a moment later when he notices Sakusa’s hand – the one he is always cleaning and applying hand sanitizers on –slipping past Miya’s boxers and rubbing his ass, dragging a loud moan from the blonde, which Sakusa soon muffles with his own mouth.

Bokuto  _ gasps _ .

And, of course, it’s loud enough that both men hear it and immediately turn their heads towards him. Bokuto’s cheek flush immediately, and the worst part of it is that neither of his teammates look  _ that  _ much ashamed. Miya groans and hides his face in Sakusa’s neck, while Sakusa shoots him an annoyed look. He looks displeased at being interrupted.

Bokuto’s put on the spot, and he almost runs away, but his forgotten phone doesn’t let him. “Uhm, I-I… I forgot m-my phone!” he says, panicking as he runs to his locker, which is luckily on the opposite side from them. He grabs it in a hurry, thanking every god that he managed to find it so quickly. “S-See you tomorrow, b-bye!”

And then he runs.

_ Fast _ .


	2. The Birth of The List

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakusa says: wear masks, hand sanitizer, stay at home and be safe from corona!
> 
> I ended up updating quicker than I thought because I finished the story! Yay! I will be rereading it during the rest of the week and changing it along with my amazing beta sakuatsu number one stan, Milly <3
> 
> Steamy scenes ahead! Also, thank you again Moii for letting me use your work as an inspiration for this fic <3 it's not exactly the same, but it's heavily inspired, so thank you so much! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, enjoy!

“Shou-kun,” he pants out, suddenly feeling as if his chest is going to explode from the shocking scene he just witnessed. “Shou-kun, you won’t believe what I just saw!”

Hinata looks up from his phone with raised eyebrows. “Don’t tell me you caught Miya-san and Sakusa-san having sex?”

Bokuto, once again, _gasps_. “What?!”

“You have _never_ caught them before?!” Shouyou asks incredulously, his chest shaking with laughter. “Bokuto-san, they have been friends with benefits for a while, I think! I can’t believe you didn’t know… I’ve caught them like three times now, Atsumu-san couldn’t even look me in the eye the first time it happened.”

Bokuto grabs his bag and they start walking again, Hinata changing the subject to the meeting with his high school friends he had previously been talking about, since Bokuto had gone weirdly silent. Bokuto, of course, barely hears his friend. His mind is still ringing with the words _friends with benefits_ and the scene he had just saw.

So, he hadn’t been wrong. There was indeed sexual tension. But Bokuto _knows_ the difference between having sex to let off steam and having sex with someone you genuinely care about. It doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t think they’re fucking only to relieve some stress – especially since he knows that Miya could have any girl he wanted and Sakusa wouldn’t have sex with just anyone, like really? – so suddenly, Bokuto feels sad for them.

Maybe they’re doing this to run away from their feelings, afraid of the possible outcomes and how each one could affect their relationship.. He’s devastated because he can’t imagine a life where he would touch Keiji without being able to cuddle afterwards, being unable to kiss him when he gets home, and having him missing from his daily routine. He wants his teammates to have the same kind of relationship he does, because he is _positive_ there’s more than just sex there: there’s feelings, too.

When he’s about to part ways with Hinata, he stops him. “Shou-kun... Do you think Omi-kun and Tsum-Tsum are in love with each other?”

Hinata’s eyes are sad for a second, and Bokuto thinks that maybe he’s noticed it too. “Yeah, but it’s not my place to intervene, I think.. Maybe they will realize it someday.”

Bokuto nods as they bid each other goodbye. He enters the train feeling sadder than ever.

.

“I’m home,” Bokuto says quietly as he takes off his shoes. Akaashi looks up from the kitchen, where he had been heating leftovers from last night’s dinner.

“Welcome home,” he replies and waits until Bokuto gets close to him so he can kiss him slightly on the mouth. He gives Bokuto a gentle smile. “How are you?”

“Keiji…” he starts quietly. Akaashi blinks in confusion. Bokuto sounds _devastated_.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks softly as he walks them to the couch, dinner forgotten on the stove. When they sit down, Akaashi threads his fingers through the other’s gelled hair. “What happened?”

“Keiji, Tsum-Tsum and Omi-kun are _fuck buddies_ ,” he says quietly, like he was scared of giving his boyfriend the worst news ever. Akaashi blinks at him, expecting him to go on, but Bokuto doesn’t.

“Okay…” he replies hesitantly, and Bokuto looks at him, with big, sad eyes. _His heart has always been too big for his own good_ , he thinks to himself. “And that’s a bad thing because…?”

“Because!” he half-shouts, voice suddenly a pitch louder, making Akaashi raise both of his eyebrows in surprise. “Because they have this sexual-but-loaded-with-feelings type of tension, Keiji! This is unfair, they should be _dating_!”

Keiji almost rolls his eyes. Of course, he’s upset that his teammates apparently like each other but are only sleeping together. Of course, his boyfriends expects everyone to achieve happiness and love as easy as he did, so _of course_ he’ll be angry and moping.

“Kou,” he sighs before kissing his knuckles softly on the hand he had been holding. “I told you, let them figure out their own relationship. It takes time for things to settle. They’ll realize soon enough. Let them be for now, okay?”

Bokuto nods, but his eyes don’t lose the sad expression they had been carrying. Akaashi holds in the urge to sigh again, and kisses Bokuto’s nose instead, smiling at him softly.

“Let’s have dinner now, okay? Konoha-san called me today.”

Bokuto nods, seemingly a bit more interested in what Akaashi had to offer with this new topic than about his previous conversation about his teammates. He drags him to the kitchen and brings him into the subject about his old teammates and a reunion planned by Konoha, making Bokuto excited again. He distracts him as they eat together, the previous subject thankfully forgotten.

For now.

.

The next day, it’s more awkward for Bokuto than either Miya or Sakusa. He avoids their eyes as best he can, and Sakusa doesn’t even bother to comment on it. Hinata takes pity on him at some point, since he knows exactly why Bokuto feels awkward, and decides to train with him.

But Miya is their setter. At some point, Miya has to train with Bokuto as well, but with a weird tension still hanging around them. That is, until Meian – their team captain – comes and breaks off the tension with a joke and then Miya acts like everything is fine. It’s suddenly easier for Bokuto to breathe. If they pretend it never happened, then Bokuto can forget about it.

But he doesn’t forget. In fact, it _haunts_ him.

He notices more and more how Sakusa and Miya’s relationship works. He sees how passive aggressive they are towards each other, and they have this atmosphere of frustration that surrounds them at all times. It bothers Bokuto to no end, and he finds himself watching closer in an attempt to understand the mystery of their relationship. At first, Bokuto had thought they were sleeping together because of their pent up sexual tension and frustration towards each other as well as their ~~not really~~ unrequited feelings, but now he isn’t so sure. This anger that he notices sometimes also doesn’t seem normal in Bokuto's opinion. 

Things escalate quicker than Bokuto expected.

It takes him a week before he starts catching them again, but this time Sakusa and Miya don’t even seem to care. He thinks the same thing probably happened with Hinata. When Hinata caught them for the first time, they probably also acted more standoffish towards him as Hinata mentioned, but as they kept getting caught in the act, they started to care less. They do the same with Bokuto, acting like _if you keep seeing us, that’s your problem, buddy_.

He’s lucky he never caught them in the middle of sex, but he has caught them during foreplay way too many times. When it comes to make out sessions, Bokuto suddenly seems to see them kissing everywhere they can. He can understand their desire to want to be doing this all the time; if Bokuto could, he would be all over Akaashi whenever he had the chance as well. But what bothers him to no end is _how_ they always do it.

It’s _angry_. Always full of rage, fury, and aggressiveness that Bokuto doesn’t understand and soon he decides that he doesn’t like. Bokuto had thought that their relationship outside closed doors was a mix of pent up tension with trying to hide the true nature of their relationship. Yet anytime Bokuto catches them together, hiding and doing something nasty, it’s always with double the anger they have on their public relationship.

It shouldn’t be his problem. He shouldn’t care. He knows they probably harbor romantic feelings for each other and like Hinata had said, he is supposed to hope that they one day figure this out by themselves. He shouldn’t be worried about this.

But he is.

.

“Kou,” Akaashi says lowly while Bokuto’s lips suck on his neck. He’s starting to feel hot inside, like he’s melting, and he could easily attribute that sensation to his boyfriend’s doing. But it’s not enough. “More.” 

Bokuto hums, kissing all the way to his ear, Akaashi lifting Bokuto’s shirt to take it off to then throw it aside, his hands roaming Bokuto’s broad, now naked chest with a satisfied sigh. He can never get enough of his boyfriend’s body, and it’s still a foreign concept to him that a body can turn him on this much. _Only Koutarou’s body can, though_.

He leans in to continue kissing Bokuto and thinks about grinding against him a few more times, when Bokuto suddenly pouts.

Akaashi blinks.

“Keiji,” he says, voice upset and low. Akaashi feels his heart dropping. Did he do something wrong?

“Keiji,” Bokuto starts again before Akaashi can reply. “I was thinking… Tsum-Tsum and Omi-kun probably have never made love like this… you know, with passion, care and stuff.” 

Akaashi blinks again, and even pinches his own uncovered thigh. This must be a fever dream. It has to be a fever dream. This can’t be happening. Bokuto Koutarou isn’t bringing up his teammates’ love life when they’re about to have sex.

“What,” Akaashi says, and Bokuto whines. 

“Keiji, I don’t know what to do!” he complains, voice a pitch higher, successfully killing the mood for Akaashi..

He can’t believe this.

“Koutarou. You’re not supposed to do _anything_.”

“I want to, though!” he whines again and Akaashi sighs.

He hates this.

.

It doesn’t stop.

It happens when they cuddle.

“They probably don’t even cuddle like this,” he whispers sadly, and Akaashi wants to punch him.

It happens when they stay in.

“They probably don’t have movie nights like this,” he whines, and Akaashi _needs_ to punch him.

It happens in the middle of sex.

“They probably...” he says lowly in between kisses on Akaashi’s collarbones. “...don’t even make love like this…”

Akaashi groans, and the only reason why he doesn’t punch him is because Bokuto decides to thrust hard into him the moment he stops speaking.

But the comments about his teammates’ relationship never ends.

It happens during dinner.

It happens during morning and nighttime routines.

It happens during shared showers.

It just keeps happening and happening and Akaashi has had _enough_. 

So, when he arrives before Bokuto that Thursday night, after many random texts from Bokuto talking about how _Tsum-Tsum and Omi-kun are at it again!_ with a sad emoji face, Akaashi makes a decision. He wants his life back, and he will get his life back no matter what.

Opening his laptop, he makes a list. _Steps to get Sakusa-san and Atsumu-san together_.

He’s going to put an end to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is quite short, but the next ones are longer, promises! This is the base of the fanfic, and remember: it's mostly SakuAtsu at the end because BokuAka is only playing a role here. But yes, there will be BokuAka moments because I am a BokuAka sucker down to my core, hah.
> 
> I'll drop by next week with a new chapter! The roughly finished fic is basically around 22-24 thousand words and I HOPE we will end at chapter ten. I don't like the idea of ending things on odd numbers, sorry.
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking by! I appreciate it! <3


	3. The beginning of the plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I apologize for being late, I've been quite busy.  
> So, here's another chapter, a small one but an important one! Things are finally moving!
> 
> I just want to add, I'll hint smut a bit more explicitly later on okay? I'll give warnings on that chapter.
> 
> Thanks, Milly, for beta reading!  
> Enjoy!

Step number one is fairly simple: he finds an excuse for Bokuto to be out of his way so he can see the two troublemakers (for Akaashi’s love life, that is) alone. He calls Kuroo, asks him to borrow Bokuto with no questions asked,and then he invites Sakusa and Miya over for dinner. Of course, he needs an excuse to do it, so he says he needs someone close to Bokuto that wouldn’t probably split out his big  fake plan to propose to his boyfriend.

He does want to propose to Bokuto at some point, but just necessarily right now. But it’s the only excuse good enough to bring both of them to have dinner with Akaashi without excuses in the way, and he wonders if he’s giving himself away. They might know that Akaashi was told by his boyfriend about the traumatic (Bokuto’s words) episode he witnessed and it might sound a bit too obvious by inviting only both of them, considering he dates Bokuto, the biggest gossiper  _ ever _ .

But Akaashi is a good actor, and he can definitely make them buy his words.

“I appreciate you both taking your time to come over,” he says while the three of them sit at the table. Sakusa and Miya look more confused than uncomfortable or even angry. “I’ve been meaning to propose to Koutarou for a while now, but I feel like now might be the best time to do so.”

Miya nods and glances quickly at Sakusa, who looks bored, but not annoyed. “Don’t get me wrong, Akaashi, I’m glad to help, but why just the two of us? Shou-kun would be a great help, ya know.”

“I’m not familiar with all of Koutarou’s teammates, and perhaps you two besides Hinata himself are the only ones I’d feel comfortable with sharing this, considering we have known each other for so long. You’re absolutely right regarding inviting him, however, Hinata has the biggest mouth on the planet, and I know he wouldn’t be able to look at Koutarou’s face and keep this a secret”

Sakusa sighs, but he nods and gives Akaashi an even look. “What’s your plan?”

“To be honest, I’ve been thinking about whether to do something based on volleyball or not,” Akaashi smiles softly and Miya laughs. “I just want it to be special in a way that Koutarou won’t ever forget.”

“That’s nice, Akaashi,” Miya drawls and looks at Sakusa with a glint of mischief on his eyes. “Omi-kun, what do you think? I say you go big or go home.”

“That’s stupid,” Sakusa flatly declares, and Akaashi blinks at this. They’re interacting in front of Akaashi without him needing to ask. “Akaashi-san doesn’t seem like a person who would like attention.”

“But Bokkun does!” he argues back, a flame coming into his eyes and words that make Akaashi wonder,  _ is it always like this? This back and forth banter full of flame? _ “Listen, Akaashi, here’s what you gotta do, bud. After a win – because of course we will win –  _ do not  _ give me that look, Omi-kun! – anyways, after a win, ya gotta grab the attention of the crowd, ya know? Shout his name or something and bam! Everyone’s looking and you propose. This is the best idea, I know, no need to flatter me!”

Akaashi nods, suppressing the urge to laugh at Miya’s antics. Sakusa shakes his head and sighs, as if it’s too much for him to deal with. “This is the dumbest idea I have ever heard come out of your mouth, and you say a lot of idiotic things.”

Miya gasps, pretending to be hurt (on second thought, maybe he actually is, Akaashi thinks, seeing the glint in his eyes as if he had expected Sakusa to be a bit nicer) and then proceeds to argue again. “Then what’s your big, amazing,intelligent idea, huh, Omi-kun?”

“He has to do it when they’re alone,” he states matter of factly and then Miya groans. “Akaashi-san doesn’t like the attention, and Bokuto is already in love with him enough to say yes and appreciate the sentiment in any way he does it. So he might as well do it privately. If volleyball is a must, maybe do it in the gym when it’s empty. But I personally think that it might be better for you to do it in the privacy of your apartment, or even bedroom.”

Akaashi blinks and smiles softly. “You both have good points.”

“Don’t listen to him, Akaashi,” Miya drawls and he glances at Sakusa quickly, taking in his teammate’s features for a second. Akaashi observes the whole scene quietly, searching to find the signs Bokuto saw as much as possible, and he sees  _ all _ of them. “My plan is way better, and ya know it.”

“Only egoistical idiots would say that,” Sakusa comments, and then they get into an argument as to why Miya isn’t an idiot. “Also, they keep their relationship private. Why would Akaashi propose in front of a crowd if they don’t even know Bokuto is dating him?”

“That ain’t the point!”

Akaashi, once more, blinks at the scene.

This is much more than he had expected.

.

Akaashi realizes halfway through their brainstorming session – and the duo’s endless bickering – that he should be feeling at least a little bit bad. He kind of feels like saying he gave up the proposal idea, but he feels even worse about lying again. Perhaps saying he will postpone it? He needs an excuse, and he needs it  _ fast _ . What if he has to actually propose to Koutarou because he didn’t think of a better plan?  _ Brain, please, help. _

“Dinner is ready,” he says, trying not to disturb their most recent argument. It’s limitless; they manage to find a way to disagree over small things and turn it into a big argument. Akaashi observes it, how Miya does most of the talking and filling in the holes, while Sakusa is quieter and only usually opens his mouth if he strongly disagrees with Miya or if he feels like making him angry.

Anger is the only word to describe them. It’s the fire Akaashi had seen previously glistering in Miya’s eyes, the anger of perhaps not having the relationship he wanted? Or the anger of being opposites, yet not being able to fit? Akaashi has many questions, but no answers and he wonders what his next step will be.

Akaashi thinks he might need to dig into their past. One of them must have been hurting for too long, he thinks, because he had been like this once, too, before Bokuto had broken through his walls and wormed his way into Akaashi’s heart. It had been hard at first, but now he is thankful that his boyfriend has always been one to not give up, or they wouldn’t even be at this point right now.

Sakusa reminds him of himself, he realizes. Cold, detached, and afraid of falling deeper. Miya is like Bokuto: loud, no antics, and full of energy. Perhaps they are a version of Bokuto and Akaashi, but angrier, meaner, and definitely a version that argues much more than they ever did.

“Let’s change topics for a minute,” he decides, while they eat sitting by the table. “Koutarou doesn’t mention you a lot, only things I already knew. Tell me, Sakusa-san, since you spoke with such sincerity on how you perceive us, I wonder… Do you perhaps have a special someone who has helped you to be more perceptive?”

_ Straight to the point _ , he thinks, not wanting to beat around the bush. Sakusa pauses, before continuing to eat. He doesn’t answer for a beat or two, and Akaashi almost apologizes until he opens his mouth.

“Not really,” he says, voice as flat as ever, eyes clouded with the need to hide emotions – something Akaashi knows very well, as he, too, had once been like this. _Perhaps I already know which one is hurting_. “Love is annoying, a burden, and kind of gross.” He pauses. “Excuse my opinion, Akaashi-san.”

Akaashi smiles softly. “Don’t worry. Love perhaps might seem like something awful and distasteful for you at first, but once you meet the right person, it’s all worth it.”

Sakusa only nods, not meeting his eyes. Akaashi decides, then, to attack Miya. “What about you, Atsumu-san? Since I asked Sakusa-san, it’s fair I ask the same to you.”

He laughs awkwardly. “I don’t have anyone either,” he says, but Akaashi gets the feeling that he, like Sakusa, is lying, though. Akaashi sees right through him.  _ Kou is right, he likes Sakusa-san. Though the other seems in denial _ . “I mean, I’m young and I have time, ya know? So, who knows!”

“Of course,” Akaashi mutters, continuing to eat. “Not everyone is going to be as lucky as Koutarou and I are, meeting so early and being able to overcome our fears of being together. It was scary and hard, but worth it.”

“Fears?” Sakusa asks, and Akaashi thanks whatever Gods out there that any of them took interest in this, but mostly that  _ Sakusa _ wants to know about this. It confirms that he’s the scared one, and Miya is the one respecting his space and taking what he can get.  _ Sad _ , Akaashi thinks.

“Yes,” he replies and reminisces with a soft smile on his face, feeling melancholic. “Kou and I have known each other since high school, and we were terrified of ruining things back then. Ruining our friendship, ruining the team’s dynamic, and I was afraid of possibly ruining Koutarou’s future as a professional volleyball player. But slowly our feelings for each other became too unbearable to be avoided, and when we confronted it and talked about it, we managed to make ends meet. It takes work, communication, and commitment, but it’s all worth it.”

Sakusa’s eyes betray his passive face, because Akaashi recognizes something he had known to have in his own eyes for so many years: the _fear_ _of acceptance_. He knows Sakusa has his own issues, especially regarding his need and urgency to keep himself clean and far from germs and having someone accept that without using it against him is tricky. His own fear is so similar to Akaashi’s fears, even though they might not seem like personality wise, and Akaashi suddenly feels the tug that Bokuto talks about when he mentions his teammates. He feels the urge to help them as well.

_ Fuck,  _ he thinks, and he realizes he might also be invested into this.

.

“Thank you for coming,” he says at the end of their meeting, and he feels awkward lying. But alas, it has to be done. It will work in his favor, he  _ knows _ it will. “I will consider these ideas. I’m not sure if I’m going to be going through with any of them soon. I… I’m not sure about the timing.”

Sakusa and Miya exchange confused looks.

“What? It was Omi-kun who scared you off, right?” Miya asks first and Akaashi sighs.

“Be quiet,”

“Shut up, prick,”

“I’m just…” Akaashi starts, cutting offtheir argument before it can really get started. “…not sure if a few months before your official games start up again is the right time. I will consider it, though. Thank you, and I apologize for taking up your time.”

He bows slightly and they both shake their heads.

“Unnecessary,” Sakusa says. “Consider it,. He will say yes no matter the time.”

Akaashi blinks and nods, watching them leave.

“You seemed oddly nice today, Omi-kun,” Miya says, to which Sakusa replies with a flat “because it wasn’t about you. Akaashi-san has my respect.”

“Mean, Omi-kun, why are you suck an asshole, goddamn…”

“Why you have only one braincell, I wonder …”

As their voices fade and Akaashi loses sight of them, he sighs. The tension was too much, and Akaashi wanted to make them confess many times during the night. But it takes work and patience, and Akaashi can deliver both.

_ Might as well do this. _

. 

He doesn’t do much for the next few days. 

Bokuto keeps mentioning it and Akaashi pretends not to be interested, acts like it’s just another one of those moments when his boyfriend needs to talk it out. He pays attention to every detail though, thinking of how to continue his operation. He knows it’s not going to be quick and easy work, and it bothers him how his normalcy will take forever to come back.  _ It’s all for Kou’s sake, and a bit of mine, too, I guess _ . He just hopes everything settles before his boyfriend and his teammates go back to their official games.

Turns out, he doesn’t have to wait for an opportunity for too long. A week and a half later, Sakusa seeks him out himself. He calls Akaashi when he’s in the middle of work, and to be honest, Akaashi is so surprised he almost drops the cup of coffee he was holding.

“Sakusa-san,” he says respectfully. “How can I help?”

“You,” he starts and Akaashi thinks he sounds a little bitter. “The whole plan thing… You have to go through it.”

“Why?” Akaashi asks instead of answering. Why is Sakusa so invested into this? Why is he even calling Akaashi?

“Are you free during lunch?” Sakusa shoots him another question, and it makes Akaashi frown. Now he wants to meet with Akaashi.  _ To have lunch _ .

“Uhh… Y-Yeah, I mean. Yes,” he offers hesitantly. “There’s this nice little café around the corner of my work where we could meet if you want. I can text you the address.”

“Yes, please,” Sakusa replies and hums for a second. “So, I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

He hangs up. Akaashi stares at his coffee.  _ What the fuck _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts?  
> Sakusa, huh?
> 
> My vision on Sakusa is a bit different, I think. I hope I don't disappoint everyone through the chapters! Anyways, thank you for sticking by. I'll be back probably around two weeks? So the beginning of July?   
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> (yell at me on twitter @owlhashira!)


	4. Sakusa's Opinion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely SO sorry about the delay of this chapter.  
> I'll explain myself at the end notes.
> 
> Enjoy!

Akaashi is even more surprised to find Sakusa  _ already _ sitting there, waiting for him at a table in the corner, looking extremely uncomfortable. He blinks twice, wondering if this is really happening, and then heads toward his direction, taking the seat across him with a nod.

“Sakusa-san,” he says politely and decides to cut the crap. “What can I do for you?”

“Akaashi-san, you have to propose,” Sakusa replies easily, and once more, Akaashi only blinks back.  _ What _ ? “Otherwise Bokuto will never shut up about it.”

Akaashi feels like laughing. “That’s why I have to propose?”

“Yes,” he continues, like it totally makes sense. “Bokuto would throw himself off a building for you if you asked. He would go after the moon for you if you asked. He only talks about you  _ all the time _ . It’s quite annoying. So, do it. Propose.”

This time, Akaashi doesn’t hold back his laughter. “Sakusa-san, I appreciate the sentiment, but proposing is serious and I have to consider it still. It will change my and Koutarou’s lives. I also have to think about his career.” He pauses, then to add. “Do you think he will ever shut up about our engagement if I propose and he says yes?”

Sakusa shakes his head slowly. “No, you don’t understand,” he starts with an annoyed tone, ignoring his last comment. “You think volleyball is his world, but it isn’t.  _ You _ are. He would do anything for you. If you left him, I’m not even sure if he would continue his career.  _ You _ are the reason he pursues everything with passion.  _ You _ are the reason he is living his fullest. His career will never be his priority.”

He sighs and gives Akaashi a pointed look. “Listen. I remember Bokuto from high school. I remember how loud he was – and still is honestly – but what I remember the most is his mood changes. How you and your team had to work to bring him back because of his inconsistency. But he doesn’t get like that anymore. I’m sure you know better than anyone, but he shows his insecurities sometimes, too. He mentioned more than once that you’re too perfect, too amazing and way out of his league, how you deserve better and someone with an easier career and someone less moody or insecure. I don’t understand or even personally know your dynamic, but I know you both love and care for each other. So, fix this. Because I see your insecurity on asking him, wondering if he’ll say no, but I guarantee you he’ll say yes.”

At first, he’s surprised about how much Sakusa has talked, since he has never heard so many words out of his mouth at once. He’s surprised about how Sakusa read him so easily as well, because he realized Akaashi’s own fears. Naturally, he’s still a bit afraid of the idea of proposing and getting rejected, or even of Bokuto saying yes and their life changing so much that it ends up falling apart.  _ The only thing he didn’t realize was that it was all an excuse to get him to talk about Miya. _

What strikes him the most is how Sakusa talks with a certainty in his voice, almost like he understands Bokuto. There’s also this tone that reminds Akaashi of someone speaking with regret, like he has lost an important lover or something.  _ Perhaps that’s where his problem is _ .

“You speak like you know from experience, Sakusa-san,” he replies, even though his heart is clenching. Does Bokuto really care for him that much? Would he really say yes and not care about his career if Akaashi proposed?

“It’s because I do,” he says, voice flat and eyes shimmering with unknown emotions to Akaashi. He sighs, getting up. “Don’t let him escape right through your fingers. Propose. Get married and be happy.”

“Perhaps you should do something about your feelings for Miya-san first, then.”

Akaashi’s heart races as he wonders _did I cross a line here?_ Part of him wants to take it back immediately. He knows he should because it was rude, but he _needs_ to tell him this to get confirmation about his feelings for Miya. But he doesn’t even get to wonder much, because Sakusa gives him a sad look that makes Akaashi’s heart clench with raw emotions, and sympathy runs through his body. They are more alike than Akaashi had thought, hiding those emotions and avoiding confrontation because of fear. It all makes sense.

“Not everybody’s experience with relationships are as easy as yours. If it was, don’t you think perhaps that I wouldn’t have done it already?”

He turns around and leaves, leaving a sad, confused, and conflicted Akaashi behind in the café.

.

Akaashi gets home first that day. Bokuto stays out late training, only arriving home around past eight. He decides to wait a bit to make dinner and sits on the couch, opening his laptop to finish some assignments he has due to soon.

But he can’t focus because of what Sakusa had told him. It keeps coming to his mind, how he said that Bokuto would put him before his own career. At first, it’s just mildly bothering him, but then it was full-on heart clenching angst that hooked into his soul, making Akaashi  _ terrified _ of these possibilities. Would Bokuto drop his entire  _ dream _ just because of Akaashi? Really?

They have been through a lot during all these years together. Their relationship isn’t exactly a secret, but it’s also something only meant for close friends and families. Everyone respects their privacy and Akaashi does his best to protect Bokuto’s career because he  _ knows  _ volleyball is his passion, he knows it’s everything he’ll ever want to work with and Akaashi is terrified of what a homosexual relationship could do to his love for the sport. He doesn’t want Bokuto to have to leave Japan because people are narrow-minded, and he doesn’t want Bokuto to leave his dream because people can’t mind their own business. 

But the idea of Akaashi being Bokuto’s priority is something that never even crossed his mind. He knows he’s important to Bokuto, he knows how much they mean to each other. His boyfriend has always been loud and clear to him about how he feels, and it’s something they agreed on since the beginning of their relationship: the talking, the honesty, being open and there for each other. They even decided to be honest if they ever fell out of love, and though this conversation haunts Akaashi, it was important.

Bokuto has matured so much, but Akaashi’s fears still have roots inside of him.

There’s also the issue about Sakusa. He basically admitted his feelings for Miya, but he doesn’t think a romantic relationship between them could work, at least from what Akaashi gathered. He  _ needs _ to help them now, because Akaashi sees himself in Sakusa while also seeing Bokuto in Miya and suddenly he’s invested in a relationship that isn’t that much related to his daily life at all, except for Bokuto’s mingling.. But he wants to help. He wants to make them overcome this because they deserve the same thing Bokuto and Akaashi have.

_ What we have as well? _

Groaning, he pretends to work, wondering about his possibilities, wondering about Sakusa and Miya. He gets lost in work and thoughts and just allows himself to go with the flow of the moment.

He wonders and wonders until Bokuto comes home, and they end up having to order takeout. Akaashi barely sleeps that night. 

.

It bothers him to no end how Sakusa talked to him about a sort of relationship he has lost his chance at. This could be the source that is preventing him from pursuing a romantic relationship with Miya. So, it requires him to investigate more about it.

He calls Sakusa.

“Sakusa-san,” he greets in a soft voice. “Excuse me for bothering you at this hour, and I hope you’re not busy. Can we perhaps meet to talk again?”

“Is there a specific reason, Akaashi-san? I’m always busy.”

“Yes,” he replies honestly. “It’s about what you told me.”

“Then, no.”

“Sakusa-san,” Akaashi tries again, feeling a bit irritated. “It has to do with the proposal.”

“....where?”

Akaashi smiles.

.

They meet at a restaurant on Wednesday around lunchtime, and between their orders and small talk, Akaashi decides to get down to business. It’s nagging him, between his conversation with Sakusa the previous week and the possibilities Akaashi has drawn in his mind.

“Sakusa-san,” he starts, voice a bit unsure about how to approach this. They’re not close, they’re not friends. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. Perhaps I should approach Koutarou about it before I decide to propose. I guess I should talk to him about his career and our future, without giving my plan away.”

Akaashi breathes deeply and Sakusa watches him with bored eyes.

“However, the point of this conversation is not to talk about me and Koutarou.” Akaashi notices Sakusa’s eyes narrowing.  _ My bad, Sakusa-san.  _ “You mentioned something about speaking from experience. I am more concerned than curious, and perhaps this might be too invasive to be asking, but…”

Sakusa blinks at him. “You made me actually leave my house, come to a public place – a restaurant – because you’re  _ worried _ about me?”

Akaashi nods and Sakusa sighs, annoyed. 

“I don’t understand when I gave you permission to mingle in my life like this.”

“You didn’t,” he replies, and for a second he wonders if Sakusa is going to walk away. “I respect you a lot to understand if you’re uncomfortable. But…there’s something about your tone that reminds me of myself.”

Sakusa looks even more annoyed. “Is this a pity party? I’m leaving.”

“Wait!” Akaashi almost screams when Sakusa moves to get up. Sakusa, in retaliation, gives him a nasty look but sits down, looking kind of angry. “I’m sorry for overstepping. Please, just... Allow me to understand. To help.”

“You wouldn’t,” Sakusa bites back but gives him a look of superiority. “But since that’s the main point – that you  _ can’t _ possibly understand –, I will indulge you.”

He pauses. “If you tell this to anyone else, I will destroy yours and Bokuto’s career.”

Akaashi shivers slightly but nods in response. Sakusa starts his story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you follow me on twitter you'll know the last week has been rough on me. I won't go specifics here, but my plan was: post this last saturday (the third) until a shitload of things happened. The chapter was ready and everything, it was just bad timing ): I'm deeply sorry!
> 
> We have Sakusa's backstory next chapter! I'm so nervous about it, honestly. Anyways hah. Next chapter is, hopefully, coming next week. Might as well post it on my birthday and indulge yall with it hehe  
> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> (twt is @owlhashira tho i'm not really going there rn)


	5. Sakusa's Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION! Sakusa's POV for the whole chapter, you'll read as if he's living through the years of his life.  
> Enjoy!

(Please, read both of the notes.)

Sakusa learns the word misophobia when he’s in middle school. Even then, he thought that such a thing as self-diagnosing was wrong, so he doesn’t  _ say _ per se that he has it, but he wonders about it a lot since then. He read it in a textbook he found in his house, inside the office his parents were never at, that mostly stood as a decoration. It wasn’t like they were at home at all anyways.

The symptoms listed mostly match up with his own, and so he decides to ask his science teacher one day about it: if he could have misophobia because he doesn’t like touching people, the idea of germs, the idea of being dirty, or the idea of breathing unclean air. His teacher blinks at his question and explains what this phobia means, shocked that someone so young could even know what a germ even was. After that, Sakusa doesn’t call himself misophobic, but he has the word stuck inside his head forever, and he wonders if he will ever meet anyone like him.

.

He meets Tsukasa Iizuna in high school. It feels like a cheesy romantic comedy, to bond over a lint roller, but perhaps it’s when Sakusa first catches feelings for him. He wants to believe that Tsukasa has the same phobia he does, and that perhaps they could talk about it together. 

But Tsukasa doesn’t. He just enjoys being clean, and unlike Sakusa, he doesn’t mind touching people, not wearing masks, or worse:  _ touching a doorknob _ . It’s like a bucket of water on Sakusa’s head, because for once he had thought there was someone else like him out there, but it was just proven wrong. They are friendly with each other – in Sakusa’s own way of being friendly – and it’s kind of inevitable that Sakusa ends up falling for him.

It’s mostly because Tsukasa is nice to Sakusa, when everyone else doesn’t understand or is not willing to deal with Sakusa’s personality or his phobia, he understands and respects him. They end up creating a type of relationship that is different from the one Sakusa has with Komori, his cousin and teammate; it has a tension full of feelings that aren’t mentioned, a tension that Sakusa feels like cutting with a knife, maybe by facing the feeling, but he is too afraid of the consequences to do so. It would mean breaking out of his own shell , and he’s not sure he’s willing to do so.

“Sakusa,” Tsukasa says once he becomes captain of the volleyball team. “It’s just a feeling I get, sometimes. Like you’re judging me less than usual.”

Sakusa blinks. He’s sharp. “Ah,” he replies, and puts his hands into his pockets. “Iizuna-san, you’re one of the very few people perhaps that I respect.”

Tsukasa laughs at him, eyes shining and Sakusa acknowledges the tension, recognizes the look in his eyes and accepts why he feels on the edge around Tsukasa. Sakusa allows himself to realize the romantic feelings that are roaming between them, and he’s scared to acknowledge that it feels mutual. Tsukasa’s face, actions and words between the lines seem clear as day in Sakusa’s eyes. 

Yet, they don’t talk much about it. Sakusa wants to touch Tsukasa, but isn’t willing to do so, and Tsukasa doesn’t even mention this subject, even though his unspoken feelings of respect for Sakusa’s aversion and maybe of something more between them sound loud and clear to Sakusa’s ears. It’s mutual, and the idea of crossing the line between friendship and romantic relationship feels like taking a leap that is far too huge for Sakusa. He could ruin this, with his aversion, and ruin his own relationship with said boy.

But then Tsukasa breaks his ankle during a game, and afterwards, they meet alone for the last time at a park on the corner of Tsukasa’s house. It’s like a goodbye, or maybe a see you soon, and either way it makes Sakusa’s heart clench.

“I wanted to see you alone for one last time,” Tsukasa starts, the night starting to set in, the games long finished and forgotten. It’s almost the end of the school year as well. He sits at a bench and crutches beside him. “You and I both know about our mutual feelings and… I wonder, Sakusa. Did you ever want to do something about this? Or were you expecting to leave me hanging forever?”

Sakusa blinks. “I can’t do this.”

Tsukasa, instead of laughing or playing along with him like he usually does, gets  _ angry _ . “So you have been leading me on all this time. I thought you were waiting until graduation, but I guess I was wrong. You  _ are  _ an asshole.”

Sakusa only blinks again. “What?”

“I have real feelings for you. I can’t believe this.”

“Iizuna-san, I don’t know what you expect me to say.”

“What do you want to say?”

Sakusa doesn’t know. 

Tsukasa sighs. “I’m sorry, Sakusa. Maybe it’s for the best.”

Sakusa doesn’t answer. So, Tsukasa leaves.

.

Sakusa admits to himself his crush for Wakatoshi during his last year of high school. He tells himself it’s only because they’re both alike, having a stoic personality and a cleaning compulsion. 

But he never really dwells on it. Wakatoshi doesn’t even notice, anyway, and so Sakusa learns how to move on.  _ To keep going _ .

.

During college, Sakusa doesn’t make friends. He doesn’t feel like it’s important to interact with people unless it’s necessary, and he’s only there to get his microbiology degree. But during his Biology I class, he notices one guy who watches him far too often, but yet Sakusa doesn’t bother to say anything. Maybe it’s the common mask on his face, maybe it’s his moles. He doesn’t care.

But Sakusa keeps seeing him. He sees him during bathroom breaks, and he notices the guy washing his hands for longer than usual. He notices that this guy washes his hands quite a lot, in fact, and that’s when Sakusa realizes  _ maybe _ there actually are more people like him out there.

(Not quite like him, but at this point, he’ll take anyone who’s close enough. He itches to feel welcomed, to belong somewhere.)

The guy approaches him. “Hi, I’m Suzuki Haruto. I noticed you have hand sanitizer on you. Do you mind giving me some?”

Sakusa blinks. He’s hot, he notices. He holds the urge to sigh at himself. 

_ Not this shit again. _

.

Suzuki has a compulsion for keeping his hands clean. It’s not the same as Sakusa, but it’s close enough that he feels lighter around him. They share interests, and even though Suzuki doesn’t care much for sports, he watches Sakusa play quite a lot. They become close so fast that by the time the semester is coming to a close, Sakusa realizes they talk and see each other every day.

It’s such a foreign feeling for him, to have someone like this that isn’t Komori – the only person who still puts up with him somehow –, but someone who seems interested in him.

He decides to ask more, to try to understand if Suzuki leads a normal life like everyone else. It feels silly, but it’s a question that won’t leave his head and he’d rather ask then suffer wondering. “Do you ever have a moment where you feel like you  _ don’t _ want to wash your hands?”

Suzuki laughs and nods. “Of course, Sakusa! But… Uh, it might sound weird.”

_ Weirder than me? _ he wants to say, but shakes his head instead. “Go ahead.”

“Sex,” Suzuki replies. Sakusa blinks and opens his mouth in shock. He hadn’t been expecting that, honestly. Suzuki notices his feelings and laughs nervously, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “I know, it sounds so weird. But when you’re in the moment, you don’t even remember why you were averse to this. Serotonin, man, that’s the deal. It feels amazing, you can always take a shower afterwards, or something.”

Sakusa blinks again, staring at Suzuki long enough that the other boy starts fidgeting with his hands until Sakusa sighs. “Ok.” A beat of silence. Sakusa clears his throat, as if suddenly it has gone dry with fear of what he’s about to say next. Hesitantly and quietly, he continues. “Can we do it?”

Suzuki is the one who only stares at him at the answer he receives this time, to then burst out laughing. Sakusa continues to stare at him, expecting a reply. He doesn’t know if this idea would work, and even though it kind of disgusts him, he would like to try. He’s reaching the point where he’s willing to do anything to make himself feel a little _ ‘normal’ _ and more accepted by people. As much as he doesn’t care for other people's opinions, he doesn’t like the idea of others hating him because he’s different.

( _ He can’t stand the idea of not belonging anywhere. _ )

“For real? You’d be willing to try? I’m not gonna lie, Sakusa, you’re pretty  _ hot _ .” 

Suzuki’s tone is light and inviting, making Sakusa feel a bit more comfortable. He isn’t sure; he doesn’t exactly like the idea, but he  _ wants to _ . He feels this need to feel a bit more like everyone else, so why not?

He nods. Suzuki smiles.

.

_ Kissing feels gross _ , is what he thinks at first. The lights are dimmed, giving the room a sensual environment that makes Sakusa both somewhat excited and scared at the same time. Suzuki puts his tongue inside Sakusa’s mouth, and it’s gross and thrilling all at once, the mix of feelings making him want to run away and ask for more. He’s feeling these opposites far too fast, and feels conflicted over what to do. Then, Suzuki puts his hands on Sakusa’s neck, threading his fingers through his hair and does something Sakusa doesn’t know with his tongue, and his mind goes blank fast.

Everything seems to go straight into his groin, making his head swim into a pleasurable feeling, the emotions so loud inside his head that his compulsion doesn’t even make an appearance. He can’t even think about how disgusting this all seems, because everything feels way too good. He can’t think.

When Suzuki actually touches him, Sakusa understands why he said sex was his way of escaping his compulsion and his own head. He doesn’t focus on anything but those feelings, the pleasure making him dizzy and excited, the feel of wanting more and wanting to reach climax.

He does feel disgusting afterwards. But he feels relaxed. He has never felt like he could do something like this, and suddenly he wants  _ more _ .

Sex is a weird escape he would have never known if not for Suzuki Haruto.

.

They start fucking more often. Suzuki calls them  _ fuck buddies, _ but Sakusa doesn’t like that phrase. It sounds like it’s all for sex, but he doesn’t want it to be. Suzuki understands him, respects his privacy, needs and fears, and has never judged Sakusa. Besides, they have so much in common, how could he not fall for Suzuki?

When they fuck slow, fast, rough, or sweet, it’s always thrilling to know he’s making someone pleased, to know they’re both feeling the same way. It’s powerful, as powerful as spiking a good shot and getting points. He feels invincible, he feels amazing and he wants  _ more _ .

Cuddling doesn’t sound an attractive idea ( _ yet _ ), but being closer without touching does.

So, Sakusa decides to be honest right as the next semester is ending and they have been doing this for six months.

“Haruto-san,” he says after he has taken his shower and would be on his way back to his apartment. Suzuki hangs on his bed only in his boxers, using his phone.  _ Shouldn’t he be washing his hands?  _ Sakusa thinks for a second, but doesn’t dwell on it. “I think I might have romantic feelings for you.”

Suzuki blinks. “What?” and then, he  _ laughs _ .

Sakusa frowns, his back straightening and his mood going sour. It’s not a joke. And then he tells him so. But Suzuki laughs again.

“Dude, you’re actually serious!” he laughs and sits on his bed, a wicked smile on his face. “Listen… I just wanted to have sex with you. Oh, this is rich!”

For a second, Sakusa can only stare at him. He doesn’t understand what’s happening, or what Suzuki is even saying. The other man stops laughing and then looks at Sakusa, a incredulous look plastered on his face. 

“You really don’t know?”

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t think he has to, considering his reactions.  _ Know what _ , he thinks bitterly and feels the urge to flee from the place he stands at. Thankfully (or not), Suzuki continues.

“Sakusa… You actually believed me? Did you really think all of that was  _ real _ ? Listen… I don’t even have a washing hand compulsion, I invented that shit just to get close to you. I can’t believe this, you thought I was for real!”

He laughs again and Sakusa can feel his heart clenching. This must be a twisted nightmare. “And then you believed that sex crap? Damn, you’re more fucked up than I thought… Falling for me! I can’t believe you’re that nasty. I’m glad I don’t have to keep washing my hands anymore, I mean.. They were starting to get so fucking dry!”

Sakusa leaves, slamming the door on his way out. 

He doesn’t cry. He feels like crying would be something he doesn’t deserve, because he was the one who allowed someone in. He decides that this will never happen again.

. 

He keeps finding random sexual partners. Whenever he has a chance, he likes having sex as a stress reliever. It works, and it helps him forget about his compulsion and phobia for some time, so he keeps looking for them. 

They’re all random. Sometimes they do it more than once, but Sakusa gets bored. None of them give him the same thrill he used to feel, but that’s what happens when you catch feelings, or so he finds out. But he doesn’t want to and won’t allow himself to fall for anyone else, so he just fucks whoever’s available and willing.

When he joins the MBSY Black Jackals, things change. Because he meets, once more, Miya Atsumu, and they become teammates.

Miya is annoying. They fight and argue a lot. They don’t understand each other and they aren’t even a bit alike. But they have so many unresolved, unspoken and confusing feelings between them that at some point Sakusa  _ knows _ it’s inevitable that they’re going to fuck. Given the worst scenario, he thinks how he would face his teammate if one of them fell for each other.

He decides it’s a problem for later. He doesn’t do anything, though, because he doesn’t want to assume Miya wants to fuck, until Miya says something. 

“We worked hard today,” he comments during a random day, just to start conversation. Sakusa ignores him and doesn’t even look at him as he gathers his things. They are the only ones left inside the lockers. “I’m all tense!”

Sakusa glances quickly at him but doesn’t answer. Miya tries again.

“You’re still a prick, huh,” he murmurs but Sakusa hears him loud and clear. He doesn’t say anything, though. “Ya know, sex is great to help with all this pent up stress.”

Miya wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive way, but Sakusa isn’t even looking at him. Before he can make an excuse to be out of this stupid situation he threw himself in, though, Sakusa speaks automatically.

“I know.”

Miya gasps, which is amusing to Sakusa, but he doesn’t laugh or smile. He only stares at him and watches Miya stare back. It’s a staring competition, until Miya blinks and laughs.

“You do?” he laughs. “Huh. Omi-kun, you’re killing me here, ya know!”

There’s no reply from Sakusa apart from his blank stare at Miya. “How would you even know, hmm? Too much porn? You’re  _ dirty _ , Omi-kun.”

At this point, he feels annoyed. “I’ve had several sexual partners,” he says, not even sure why he’s revealing that. That’s why he hates Miya, because he caves into his teasing too often, which is  _ dangerous _ . Miya looks at him curiously.

“What?”

Sakusa doesn’t repeat himself, only continues to glare at him. 

“Well, why can’t you do it with me then?”

“Because you’re the most annoying and most disgusting person out of everyone.”

“You’re an asshole, Omi-kun.”

“So I’ve been called.”

“See? Asshole! Total jerk, ya know!”

“Spare me the insults, Miya.”

“God, you’re infuriating!”

“So are you.”

One moment they’re arguing, the next they’re kissing madly. Sakusa doesn’t know how he ended up here, or how he allowed himself to kiss someone like Miya. But then, again, it’s his own coping mechanism, and the tension had been there, so when their lips meet, it ignites the fire he had been suppressing for far too long. It’s not passionate, it’s not sweet. Instead, it’s angry, dripping with frustration and actual stress from both of them. Their tongues meet and it’s more lewd than Sakusa is used to, but, somehow, he doesn’t hate it. It’s actually  _ good _ . 

Miya kisses him with every emotion he has under his sleeve. Sakusa keeps up – his own emotions hidden, but trying to match his pace – and he gets turned on faster than he would ever like to admit. When they break apart, Miya has a smirk on his face and Sakusa wants to punch him.

“You actually have experience, ya idiot,” he whispers between then and, again, Sakusa does want to punch him.

He doesn’t reply, because then Miya slips one of his legs between Sakusa’s own and not only can Miya feel his hard on, he can also feel  _ Miya’s _ hard on. The smirk is still plastered on his face and his voice is low and calm when he continues.

“My place or yours, hmm?”

Sakusa wonders about punching him.

“Yours.”

Or maybe punching himself.

.

_ Sex friends _ is a phrase he hated and now he uses it so easily. It’s not trauma, he thinks. It’s just the correct and only term. He has no choice. it’s exciting, it brings the thrill back and Sakusa doesn’t even think when he asks Miya to do it again as  _ sexual partners only  _ afterwards because it makes him feel amazing.

Until he catches feelings.

.

Sakusa thinks it’s quite ironic, after everything he went through, that he would still manage to fall for someone who he  _ knows _ that will hurt him at some point. It’s like a bomb that Sakusa is waiting for to explode.

He thinks that falling for Miya Atsumu has to be his worst mistake. Miya is his opposite; he’s the type of person he doesn’t like, and he usually avoids. He doesn’t know why he would even fall for a person like him until they fall into a bed and start a sexual relationship, which bugs Sakusa to no end. 

They don’t get along, that’s no secret. Sakusa and Miya argue all the time over the smallest things, get riled up about everything quite quickly, and drop some bad words about each other all the time. It’s the way they are, opposites yet somehow similar, the anger and frustration being something they share, and it’s what they take together to the bed in the end.

It’s easier to use all of those feelings in their favor to turn sex into an angrier, rougher and harder aspect. It’s how they make ends meet with their mean and explosive personalities. Somehow, it’s bittersweet, Sakusa thinks, because as much as he likes angry and rough sex, it’s not the type of sex he wants from Miya. 

He wants the softer sex, too. He wants the quick sex, the full of feelings sex,  _ any _ kind of sex he could get from Miya is ideal. It’s when he realizes it’s more than just sex, but also how Miya is an asshole but a respectful one, because Sakusa realizes he has never overstepped a boundary with Sakusa, not even once.

He barely ever comments on his hand sanitizer, on how he wears masks too much, and how he calls things disgusting. If he ever mentions it, it has no heat on his voice. It’s just a passing comment, and it’s not mean or distasteful. His comments about Sakusa are exclusive for actions he might take sometimes, like using his lint roller and glaring at anyone trying to touch him afterwards, or his personality traits, like him being an asshole way too many times or even being too blunt. Miya is actually respectful, and Sakusa enjoys it, and somehow this turns into an I _ might like Atsumu _ party he didn’t even know he wanted to join.

Falling for someone he is fucking isn’t something new. He knows how this is going to end. Even worse, he knows people will get hurt and it will ruin the team’s relationship. So, he shuts them down. All his feelings. They are all shut down. But Sakusa can’t bring himself to walk away from the opportunity of having Miya in any way he can, because he hates himself and he’s a masochist.

_ If it’s all I have, then it’s going to have to be enough,  _ he decides.

But it isn’t ever enough. Not anymore.

Not when you fall this hard for someone like you never have before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I came only a week later, I know! Since it's my special day, I wanted to thank everyone with a new chapter, the one I worked the hardest on: Sakusa's backstory.  
> Small disclaimer: Sakusa's way of seeking redemption for himself and his feelings (his coping mechanism) is not recommended. In case of symptoms like his, seek a professional. Do not self-diagnose yourself like Sakusa did. Do not seek comfort in things that could be unhealthy like Sakusa did. Choose help. Find a professional.  
> Thank you for reading!


	6. and so the plan begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're back to Akaashi's POV! Please, notice that last chapter was written as if you lived through the years of Sakusa's life and now we're in the present, back to Akaashi and Sakusa.   
> Sakusa does NOT share all details with him.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Akaashi is quiet for a long time. He hears Sakusa telling his story in bits, and although he doesn’t get much from it – Sakusa gives just a few personal details – Akaashi can hear the emotions in between loud and clear. He feels even more connected with Sakusa then, sympathy going through him as he listens because he can understand him better then. 

Sakusa doesn’t have the worst background story to tell, but the amount of emotional garbage thrown at him makes Akaashi wonder. He had never had anyone to help him with what was right and what was wrong. He was – and is, even more now – closed off and hard to read. Akaashi relates and it hurts inside him.

“Mind your business, Akaashi-san. I hope this conversation stays between us, like I said. Refrain from calling me again unless it’s something actually important, and drop this subject.”

Then, Sakusa leaves, but Akaashi sits there alone for a very long time.

.

.

Bokuto doesn’t feel like going out, but one Miya Atsumu is very convincing, and he can’t say no. He calls Akaashi and apologizes, saying he will get home later – but they both have Saturday off, so Akaashi doesn’t really mind – and then he joins his teammate at a bar on this Friday night.  _ One I could be spending with Keij,  _ he thinks a bit bitterly, but shakes the thought away. Miya wanted a friend to go with him. Bokuto  _ is  _ his friend.

Of course, Miya gets shitfaced in less than an hour and a half. He drinks so much, and talks so much in between, that Bokuto feels a little concerned. Maybe he’s stressed, maybe he’s going through something, but Bokuto feels awkward to ask when his friend won’t even remember this the next day. He would rather have this conversation while they’re both sober, and not just Bokuto.

“Tsum-Tsum,” he says softly, after Miya’s sixth shot of tequila. Bokuto is worried. “Should you be drinking this much?”

“Shhh, Bokkun! Don’t tell anyone this!” he says, giggling quietly and shooting Bokuto an amused face. Bokuto’s face twists into even more concern. There’s a hint of something in his voice that makes Bokuto’s gut twist. He thinks of Sakusa, of the anger, of the unspoken feelings between them.

“Hey, why don’t we go home? If you want to, you can crash at my place tonight…” he tries again but Miya only laughs, then turns his smile into a sad and melancholic one. 

“No,” he starts softly, voice drunk and words wobbling out of his mouth, but still extremely sad. “I can’t. I should be sleeping at his place, though…”

Bokuto barely manages to understand his words, but when he does, he frowns. “Whose place?”

Miya snorts and shoots him a drunk, tired and depressed look. “Omi-kun, of course,” he murmurs and Bokuto feels for him.

“Tsum-Tsum… Let’s go home, okay?” he tries again, but Miya shakes his head.

“Only to Omi-kun’s place,” he says and then groans, head hitting his forearms resting on the table. “Why can’t he love me back, Bokkun? Am I that de-detestable?”

Bokuto almost gasps out loud, but manages to hold it. But it does surprise him to hear the confession out of his teammate’s lips, even though he’s so drunk he probably couldn’t even spell his name. It’s a secret, Bokuto knows, but he feels like calling Sakusa and saying  _ it’s mutual, for fuck’s sake, come and get him! _

He doesn’t, of course. Miya basically starts falling asleep right there, so Bokuto covers the bill and calls a cab to his house. It’s almost midnight, and he knows Akaashi won’t be asleep. So, he dials him and asks him to prepare the guest bedroom for a drunk Miya Atsumu.

When they arrive, he manages to get Miya out of the car and inside his spare bedroom in a slower time than usual – until Miya’s running to the bathroom and throwing up.

Bokuto is thankful he remembered the bathroom.

By the time Miya is asleep, with water and painkillers beside him and tucked in a comfy bed, it’s almost one am. Akaashi and Bokuto both look tired, but judging Bokuto’s disturbed look, Akaashi doesn’t say much about how much work his boyfriend’s teammate is giving them on a Friday night. Instead, he helps Bokuto with Miya quietly, and when they head to bed, Bokuto finally decides to open up.

“Keiji… Tsum-Tsum confessed to me that he loves Omi-kun.”

Akaashi almost cries.  _ I need to be paid for dealing with this drama. _

“Koutarou,” he starts, voice a little stern, as if he’s about to scold a child for some type of behavior. Bokuto, however, gives him the saddest eyes he can muster and  _ of course _ , it melts Akaashi’s heart. But just a little. “Kou, listen, it’s one in the morning. Can we not talk about this right now?”

“So, you would talk to me later, then?” Bokuto asks, voice hopeful and Akaashi can’t help but sigh softly. 

“Yes,” he replies and Bokuto pulls him closer, Akaashi almost being on top of him. He hugs him tight, a satisfied hum leaving the older man’s mouth. Akaashi leans into his touch, laying his head right next to his, his face hiding in Bokuto’s neck. “But later. Can we just cuddle now?”

He feels Bokuto’s soft laugh by the way his chest moves, laughter reverberating under his own chest. Akaashi turns his head towards his boyfriend when he feels a tug at his hair, and he is met with Bokuto’s face so close to his, he could count all the constellations inside his eyes if he wanted to.

“Not even a goodnight kiss?” Bokuto murmurs, his chest vibrating against Akaashi’s, softness dripping from his words. He stares at Akaashi as if he’s looking at his most precious treasure and Akaashi believes he actually is. 

He hums as an answer, and kisses him softly on the lips. They slowly, languidly, exchange kisses while they lay together, chest to chest, heart to heart. Akaashi even forgets there’s a visitor in his house, because Bokuto’s mouth is all he cares about right now – the way his tongue caresses his at such a leisurely pace, moving lips and quiet sighs exchanged just between them.

Akaashi falls asleep very satisfied that night.

Of course, when he wakes up, he is brought back to the reality of a problematic and hopeless Miya Atsumu at his guest bedroom.

.

When they wake up, breakfast is a bit awkward, but Miya manages to thank them both and apologize on his own way –  _ sorry Bokkun, Akaashi… This never happened, yeah? I’ll take you both out some time as a thanks! _ By 10 am, he has already left and gone to his own place, leaving the couple by themselves. 

“Keiji, I don’t know what to do,” Bokuto confesses softly when they have finished cleaning the dishes. Akaashi holds the urge to sigh,  _ of course he wants to talk about this. _ “They’re obviously in love with each other…”

“They are,” Akaashi quietly agrees and Bokuto shoots him a questioning look. “I’ve been talking to Sakusa-san. And he confessed to me he has feelings for Miya-san.”

Bokuto gasps. “Keiji!” he whines, first, and then he gasps again. “Wait! When did this happen?!”

This time sighing, Akaashi decides to finally let Bokuto be involved. There’s only so much he can do and deal by himself. So, he tells him everything that has happened for the past few days. All details included. 

.

“So, basically, you faked a marriage proposal idea about me to them, just to make them somehow confess, but only Omi-kun admitted his feelings and not even to Tsum-Tsum himself, and now you’re thinking of a plan because of what I said?” Bokuto asks smartly, and Akaashi nods.

“Basically, yes,” he ponders for a moment and before he can go on, he notices Bokuto’s frown.  _ Oh no _ . “Kou, listen…”

“Shouldn’t we talk about it before we decide to get married someday?” he asks and Akaashi  _ blinks _ . He was expecting the hurt, the unsureness, but not the mature idea of discussing this. But,  _ holy shit, we are discussing this right now _ is all Akaashi can think of.

“Uhm… Yeah,” Akaashi replies, feeling awkward. “I wouldn’t do it without bringing it up first. I… Uh, I needed an excuse.”

He feels as if suddenly they’re teenagers again and he’s not sure of anything anymore. Bokuto is actually  _ looking _ at him, like he is trying to see through Akaashi and understand if he wants marriage for real. Akaashi feels insecure again all of a sudden, because getting married is a big step, and he is scared of what Bokuto thinks of this. It’s a real commitment. But, more importantly, it’s a step that  _ Bokuto _ needs to be sure they can take because it’s his career that’s on the line.

Akaashi swallows dry. 

“I want to,” Bokuto starts, playing with his fingers. He looks down for a second and then meets Akaashi’s eyes again. He looks confident. “It doesn’t have to be now, honestly. But someday? It would be nice.”

“Kou, your career…” he mumbles but Bokuto shakes his head, grabbing Akaashi’s hands to kiss his knuckles and smile softly. 

“‘Ji… If I get fired because I am marrying the person I love and care about the most, then this is not the path for me, you know? You are. Always.”

Akaashi glaces at his own feet for a few seconds, taking in all of Bokuto’s words and his sweet tone before he looks back up. He doesn’t like the idea of his boyfriend giving up everything just to be with him, but Akaashi is now mature enough to understand and respect his decisions. If that’s what he wants, trying to argue with him will only show that he doesn’t want to get married, which isn’t true.  _ If life throws us a challenge, we accept it gladly, as always _ . “Ok,” he says quietly and tightens his grip on Bokuto’s hands. “On our own time, right?”

“Yes,” Bokuto agrees and kisses his knuckles again just because. He looks back at him with mischief in his eyes. “Because right now we have other things to solve.”

Akaashi huffs a laugh, and nods, both separating again so they don’t get distracted with each other. He ponders for a moment before continuing the previous topic.

“I don’t know the specifics about their feelings yet, but it should be mutual love. But also, Miya-san didn’t seem to remember much today from last night.”

“He doesn’t, I asked him,” Bokuto says and then he stops to think for a second as well. “So, this whole aura around them… I haven’t been imagining it.” 

He thinks of the moments he caught Miya staring at Sakusa’s body for a bit longer than necessary or Sakusa staring at Miya’s ass when he walked ahead of him. The unspoken respect and mutual feelings they were hiding so well, that this isn’t just a crush, it’s possibly _love_. Bokuto feels invested even more than ever. “They like each other, don’t wanna confess and they use angry sex as a resort to it. Huh. Keiji, what’s the plan?”

“Kou, you absolutely  _ cannot _ tell anyone about this, okay?”

Bokuto smiles. “Don’t worry. Anything for their happiness.”

_ Oh, this idiot’s big heart _ , Akaashi thinks.

.

Akaashi is a simple man. So, he makes a simple plan.

  1. Text Miya and Sakusa telling them ‘ _I know about your feelings for me, please come and see me at…_ ’ plus address and time.
  2. Get them to be confused and confess.
  3. They live happily ever after.



Akaashi thinks his plan is okay, good enough to work. It  _ has  _ to work. They will confess. So he gets a disposable phone, texts them both the same message and decides with Bokuto to hang around – hiding, of course – and wait for the best.

Actually, the first time, neither of them show up. Akaashi almost screams out of frustration, but then Bokuto decides to message each of them from  _ his _ phone that he wants to talk about his feelings for Miya/Sakusa because he thinks the other feels the same.

This time, they both show up. 

They decide to do it at a park, and Akaashi and Bokuto have to hide between the dark trees and bushes. It’s not ideal, and they hope they won’t get caught, but when they both show up during the meeting time that night, their shocked faces are something neither Bokuto nor Akaashi will forget.

“Omi-kun,” Miya says in a surprised voice. “What are you doing here, huh? Got lost on your way to the bathroom for a shower?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that as well? You do need a shower, however, since you stink, as always.” Sakusa replies in a flat voice and Miya frowns, first feeling the urge to fight back, but then he gets even more confused.

“I got a text message saying he wanted to talk to me about my feelings for y–” he pauses and he starts stuttering, almost confessing by accident. _ Fuck, fuck _ , he thinks desperately. He can’t run away now anymore. He’ll have to lie. He won’t be taken down, goddamnit. “F-Feelings for m-my… uhm, my c-crush! Yes! I have a crush, hah!”

“You have a crush?” Sakusa echos in the same flat tone as he had used before, but Bokuto behind the bushes can see a hint of hurt in there. Akaashi is already frowning, seeing this plan is falling apart.  _ Please, if there’s any God listening to me, make this work. I need my suffering to end. _

“Y-Yeah! Old time crush, ya know?” he laughs awkwardly. “Just… uhm, my captain from high school. Kita-san. Yeah. Him. Kita.”

Sakusa stares back at him. “You got the message from Bokuto saying they knew about your feelings for him? Doesn’t that sound suspicious?”

“Yeah,” Miya lies easily, even smiling. “Wait, I didn’t mention Bokkun! I see, so you got the same message, then?  _ You _ have a crush, Omi-kun, huh? Is it a hand sanitizer? Perhaps clean sheets?”

“Not your business.”

“Come on, don’t be a prick!”

“Don’t be annoying first, and we’ll see.”

“Omi-kun, I told you mine!” 

“I never asked.”

“You’re absolutely the worst person ever, ya know.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Omi-kun, just tell me yours so I can leave in peace, fuck.”

Annoyed, Sakusa decides to go with  _ half _ truth. He would like to punch Miya and bicker very much, but he knows the other won’t drop this. Lying is easy for him, but this is the person he has been fucking for some time now, so he wonders if Miya will probably see through him. “It’s Wakatoshi, from the Adlers.”

“Oh,” Miya says, and then an awkward silence falls between them. “I guess it’s awkward that we’re fucking when we have feelings for other people, ya know. Repressing feelings much, huh?”

“It just means they’re unrequited,” Sakusa replies, turning to walk away. “Go home, it was probably a joke, or he was hacked or something.”

Miya watches Sakusa leave and stands there for quite some time, until he leaves again. Sakusa is looking stiff and Akaashi wonders if he’s uncomfortable that he had to lie about his crush – or not, maybe he  _ is _ crushing on Wakatoshi while being in love with Miya, who knows – or because he knows that Akaashi is involved since it had been Bokuto’s message. Akaashi groans behind the bushes and Bokuto hits his forehead against a tree. 

_ Cowards _ , they both think,  _ stupidly in love cowards.  _

_ I just want my life back _ , Akaashi thinks, sad and frustrated. 

.

When they get home that night, they decide to forget this and move on. Bokuto apologizes for the text messages and says he was hacked, even sending a fake message to Hinata and Inunaki – their libero – so he could have more backup excuses. They both accept his apology – Sakusa more suspicious than ever but doesn’t dwell on it for too long – and move on.

Or so Bokuto thinks. 

Miya comes after him a few days later, asking to talk after practice. They both stay behind, Sakusa shooting him a questioning look, one that Bokuto now knows as  _ we’re not fucking today? _ It makes Bokuto feel weird, knowing Miya’s feelings but Miya not knowing he knows.

“Bokkun,” he starts when they sit alone on a bench outside the court and under a tree. “I kinda envy you and Akaashi.”

Bokuto glances at him, curiously, but waits for a beat to see if perhaps Miya will say anything more. When Bokuto is about to open his mouth, his teammate beats him to it though.

“Reciprocated feelings sound like a good thing, ya know.”

_ Oh god, finally, _ is what Bokuto thinks,  _ he’s acknowledging his feelings for Omi-kun! _

“You like someone?” is what Bokuto asks instead, looking at Miya. The other looks disturbed and angry, like he had seen something he hadn’t liked at all. For a few seconds, Bokuto only studies him, and Miya doesn’t look back at him. “Why don’t you confess, Tsum-Tsum?”

Miya’s smile is melancholic. “Because they like someone else, Bokkun.”

Bokuto frowns, but remembers the episode a few days previously when Sakusa said he had a crush on Wakatoshi from the Adlers. Whether this is true or not, Sakusa has already confessed to Akaashi that he’s in love with Miya. Now, he needs Miya to say the same, so they can get this boat moving.

“Who is it?” he tries quietly, looking at him with sympathy in his eyes. Miya doesn’t notice, too busy looking ahead, pretending not to care. “Is it…?”

“Omi-kun, yeah,” he replies simply, tone flat and even, although he had just confessed he’s in love with  _ Sakusa Kiyoomi _ . Bokuto almost beams at this.

“Aren’t you two already... uh….in a thing?” Bokuto awkwardly asks, not wanting to use the wrong word or sentence to describe them. After all, all he has heard from Hinata and not from the people actually involved in the relationship.

“Nah,” Miya crosses his arms and leans back, his legs stretching. “It doesn’t matter. He likes someone else, told ya.”

Bokuto frowns again. “I don’t know, Tsum-Tsum, did he say he was in love with someone?”

Miya ponders for a second then shakes his head, finally meeting Bokuto’s eyes. “Not really,”

“Then if it’s just a crush,” Bokuto declares proudly, smiling and this time beaming at him, “it means you have a shot!”

Miya gives him an annoyed look. “The hell do ya mean?”

“You gotta impress him!” he says brilliantly and Miya shoots him the same annoyed but now also unimpressed look.

“How the hell do I go against Wakatoshi, huh?” 

Miya widens his eyes before sighing quietly. He lets out a huffed  _ fuck _ and Bokuto almost takes pity on him. He thanks whatever Gods out there that they have a training match against the Adlers schedule for next week.

“Listen, you have to win him over. Omi-kun is going to fall for you if you show him you care!” Bokuto says excitedly, like it’s easy and it totally makes sense. “So, show him you respect him! And show him you’re better than Wakatoshi. Omi-kun seems to be a simple man, if you show him all of that, he’ll acknowledge it and probably do something about it!”

Miya thinks for a moment, looking at him with an unsure look. “Sounds tricky, Bokkun…”

“Trust me! How did you think I managed to woo Keiji?”

“Oh, don’t we wonder that every day,” he says and Bokuto gaps, looking offended.

“HEY!” he yells, but doesn’t drop the subject. “Think about it, yeah?”

Miya sighs, and gives Bokuto a soft smirk. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Bokuto smiles at him. “Make sure you woo him!”

“No one uses that word, Bokkun, did ya know?”

“No way! I even looked it up in the dictionary and everything!”

Miya sighs. “You’re an idiot, seriously.”

“HEY!”

.

Miya Atsumu is a man in action. And he has Bokuto Koutarou on his side. 

During the bus ride to the Adlers match game, Bokuto sits next to Sakusa each time he tries to change seats. Literally. Sakusa usually likes sitting alone – and he always finds empty spots – but Bokuto makes it his personal mission to sit next to him. he changes seats, then so does Bokuto. Every time. Sakusa wants to punch him.

He does it so much that Sakusa’s obligated to sit next to Miya. Bokuto feels victorious and then sits next to Hinata, making the black haired man even more annoyed. Sakusa feels awkward as well, since he and Miya haven’t talked much since that night at the park. Yet, they still fucked twice since then, and it had been weird and uncomfortable afterwards each time it happened.

Miya had been preparing himself for this since the day he talked to Bokuto. He thought of what would make Sakusa interested, what topics he should bring, what things he should avoid, he thought about  _ everything _ . So, he is ready. More than ever, he’s ready to win Sakusa’s heart.

“So, Omi-kun,” Miya starts with a light and sweet voice. “We’re seeing Wakatoshi today, huh?”

He’s not ready  _ at all _ .

_ Dumb, dumb, I am so dumb, worse than Bokkun, shut up mouth! _ he thinks desperately but can’t take it back anymore. He has already said it. He glances at Sakusa at the corner of his eyes, but the other seems passive as ever.

“And?

“I mean, he’s your crush! Aren’t you excited to… Uh, I don’t know, to show him some new hand wipes? That’s exciting, huh?”

_ Being around Bokkun has made me dumber, officially. _

Sakusa sighs. “I am not having this conversation with you.”

Miya pouts, sad that Sakusa won’t give him more information about himself. He decides a different approach then. “Can you give me some hand sanitizer? My hands feel kinda dirty, ya know.”

With a confused glance, a hint of something Miya can’t identify, Sakusa quietly pours some onto his hands. He spreads it, humming to himself and he can feel Sakusa watching him. They don’t say anything afterwards. Miya has already fucked up enough, so he decides he will calm himself down so he can impress Sakusa during the practice game.

But as they approach the gym where they’ll be playing with the Adlers, Miya starts feeling nervous again. He can’t mess this up. It’s his chance to prove to Sakusa that he’s superior and better than Wakatoshi. He needs to prove his worth to his crush, prove he is something worth keeping around and fighting for. He will prove to him that he cares for Sakusa, and he  _ will _ work hard to gain his respect and love.

He will take his own ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plan FINALLY starts, yes! and bokuaka <3  
> I'll be back next week for more updates. Remember, it ends on chapter ten.  
> (also remember that I'm not doing 31 steps specifically lkajsk)   
> Thank you for reading <3


	7. setbacks and new plans

Seeing Wakatoshi in person actually made him feel a bit more intimidated than he wanted to. 

Of course, Miya Atsumu isn’t someone that feels intimidated. This might be the famous Wakatoshi, amazing and promising player and all of that, but the thing is: he’s Sakusa’s  _ crush _ . He might not be intimidated on the court or during social interactions, but this is his crush’s crush! He needs to be able to impress Sakusa and show him that Wakatoshi isn’t that much of a deal anyway. Miya is better. Yes, he will show him that.

Easier said than done, as always.

Miya always rules the court. He’s always focused on his game, on how to play with his teammates and make them give their 100% and even more during their spikes. Miya is smart, he’s reliable, and analytical. He’s an amazing setter and he trusts in his skills to show Sakusa that he actually is kind of amazing – in his and many people’s opinions.

At first, he’s trying to get Sakusa to score as many points as possible. He wants to make sure Sakusa feels like Miya is showing him Sakusa can rely on him  _ anytime _ . He tries different and new sets, dumps and even a different twist on his serve. But then everything starts turning out so wrong so quickly he doesn’t know what or how it happens.

First, his teammates all give him odd looks, considering how weird he is acting. When his mistakes start coming more often, he gets frustrated and things go bad all at once. The coach yells at him many times and to make it much worse, Sakusa is not even looking at him! It’s like he doesn’t exist! He thinks that Sakusa looks at Wakatoshi though, and it pisses him off to no end. He wants to punch someone – preferably Wakatoshi himself.

Thankfully, he makes it to the end of the practice game – which they lose badly – although he did get threatened to be benched twice. It didn’t happen in the end, since the coach was hoping he would get his shit together, but then the game ended with them losing and they all ended up heading to the lockers.

Miya is angry, mostly at himself, but Sakusa? He’s frustrated _ and  _ angry.

“What was that about?” Sakusa asks as soon as he finds him and pushes him into a corner on his way to the lockers. He looks pissed. Miya wants to yell in frustration, because this plan is backfiring against him  _ fast _ .

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies, pretending that his words are true and desperately wanting them to be. He feels embarrassed and ashamed for everything that happened, since he embarrassed himself in front of Sakusa, Sakusa’s crush, and his entire team plus coach. 

“Your game was awful. The worst.” Sakusa tells him to his face and Miya feels the stress and frustration coming out in waves inside of him. He doesn’t want to let it out, but he’s frustrated, too, goddamnit. He wants to be angry, too, he’s the one who fucked it up. He’s the one who should be doing the yelling.

“Listen,” he says, tone low and angry, “I fucked up, okay? Sorry I’m not perfect like you. Yeah, I make mistakes and I’m gross, huh. So go on and find perfect Wakatoshi or whatever.”

With a frown, Sakusa scoffs and walks away. Miya regrets the words immediately as they leave his mouth. He didn’t mean to say any of that, he was just so goddamn frustrated and Sakusa had the audacity to come and confront him like that? Sighing, he turns around, finding Bokuto and Hinata watching him with curious and sad eyes.

“Tsum-Tsum, why would you even say that?”

“I tried what you suggested, Bokkun,” he says angrily, feeling his emotions boiling again. Maybe he could blame Bokuto instead.  _ Don’t _ . “And it didn’t work out!”

“That doesn’t mean you should have said those things,” Hinata says himself. “What are you waiting for to go after him?!”

Miya groans. “I should apologize.”

“Then do it!” they both say at once and Miya runs.

He runs and runs, looking everywhere for Sakusa, until he finds him hiding in a corner after the bathroom, almost outside of the gym. Miya stops in a halt, observing Sakusa from afar. He’s alone, staring at the floor, seeming lost in his own thoughts.

“Omi-kun,” he says as soon as he arrives. Sakusa doesn’t look at him, but he notices his eyes widening a bit. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

Sakusa shoots him a tired but angry look. “If you’re looking for angry sex, then leave.”

“What?” Miya asks, confused. He’s apologizing. This isn’t about sex. 

“Did I stutter?” he asks back, angrily and turns to leave. “I’m not in the mood.”

Miya's heart drops as he watches Sakusa leave. He feels awful, because he hurt him, but also because he notices he might be just an object for him. A sexual object for him to use and throw it away. Because Miya wanted to apologize, because he was rude, because he hurt Sakusa, but Sakusa himself doesn’t care. Miya is a disposable person for him, one he can throw away when he feels like it. 

He feels empty. It’s like a bucket of cold water thrown on his head, reminding him his crush is unrequited. 

_ He will throw me away at some point,  _ he thinks sadly, and leaves too.

.

He walks quietly and slowly back to the lockers. He knows he’s probably gonna make the team late to leave, but he doesn’t mind for once. While walking he thinks if he should try to continue his plan, considering he doesn’t feel much more than a sexual partner for Sakusa to use as he pleases. He wants to confess, but he feels like he shouldn’t.

Because he will get rejected.

When he arrives back at the lockers, Bokuto and Hinata are talking to each other lowly in a corner, just the two of them left and Miya is thankful for it. He doesn’t want to face Sakusa right now.

“Omi-kun came quite in a rush here, looking angry and hurt,” Bokuto says, voice with a hint of  _ really, Tsum-Tsum? We just told you to fix this! _ . Miya sighs.

“Yeah, he kinda is using me for sex, ya know…” he admits quietly and misses the look that Hinata and Bokuto exchange.

“Atsumu-san, I don’t think that’s true,” Hinata replies, but Miya shakes his head, eyes glued to the floor. He feels his heart at his throat, and it  _ hurts _ .

“Tsum-Tsum,” Bokuto quietly starts. “Why don’t you allow us to help you?”

“It ain’t worth it,” he claims, while changing clothes and grabbing his stuff. It’s quiet for a moment, Hinata and Bokuto watching him until he decides to thank them anyway. “But I appreciate it.”

“Listen, the thing is, we all  _ know _ your feelings are mutual,” Hinata supplies with a frustrated tone. “I don’t know where it went wrong, but he feels the same for sure.”

“Let us help you, Tsum-Tsum,” Bokuto tries again. “Please, trust us. Let’s meet during this week at my place and talk it over. I’m sure you’re missing something.”

“I’ll think about it, okay?” he answers them both, voice a little tighter than normal. But before either Bokuto or Hinata can say something else, Shion appears at the entrance to the lockers.

“There you are! Everyone’s waiting, let’s go,” he calls them and the three of them nod. 

Atsumu sits next to Bokuto on the way back. He is quiet during the whole ride home.

.

It takes some convincing, but on the next Wednesday night – since they ended training earlier that day –, Hinata and Miya end up having dinner at the Bokuto-Akaashi household. Akaashi cooks a simple dinner, having left work earlier – the perks of being an editor, though it  _ will _ backfire at him at some point, he knows for sure – to start preparing a meal for them before they arrive. Miya is sceptical, tense and serious as he gets there, but he relaxes a bit after some talking and joking.

They don’t jump into the talking right away. Slowly, Hinata and Bokuto make conversation with him while Bokuto helps Akaashi in the kitchen. Miya feels himself loosen up as time passes by, and he ends up forgetting altogether why he even went there. He needed some time with friends to forget the whole fiasco.

It’s been 4 days and they have not even spoken about it. Or fucked.

After dinner, Hinata and Miya help them clean everything up while Hinata tells them some stories from his time in Brazil. It’s soothing to talk about it, and they laugh at the story when Hinata met Oikawa Tooru there. It’s a light conversation, and Miya is feeling amazing. 

Until Akaashi opens his mouth.

They have just prepared some tea and are sitting in the living room when Akaashi decides to speak up. “Atsumu-san, Koutarou told me you’re under the impression that Sakusa-san is using you for sex only.”

Miya almost laughs.  _ Straight to the point, just as always _ , he thinks. “I’m sure of it. I wanted to talk to him to apologize for my outburst and he dismissed me, saying he didn’t want to have sex. Like that’s all we have between us, so…”

Akaashi sighs, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “You both are  _ exhausting _ …” he murmurs, more to himself than to them, but they all hear loud and clear. Bokuto and Hinata share amused looks, but Miya feels confused. “I’ve been talking to Sakusa-san. I’m almost 100% sure he feels the same. Please, trust my judgment Atsumu-san.”

Miya blinks. He stares at Akaashi, Bokuto’s expectant face and Hinata’s hopeful face. He blinks again. “Is this a fever dream?”

Bokuto snorts. “No, but I’m sure Keiji wishes it was.”

Thankfully, he is ignored because Hinata speaks up – while Akaashi pinches Bokuto and gives him an angry look, which Bokuto  _ knows _ they’re going to talk about afterwards. “Atsumu-san, why don’t we talk about what you should do from now on, huh? We can help you! We just want to see you two happy!”

“I get it,” he starts carefully, words slow and languid on his tongue. This feels a bit surreal. It can’t be real. “Thanks, y’all. But he  _ doesn’t _ feel the same.”

All the other three groan together and share a look. Hinata looks desperate, like Bokuto – except the latter looks impatient as well –, but Akaashi looks calm as ever.

“Atsumu-san, what else do you have to lose?”

Miya blinks. “What?”

“You two are already into a sort of relationship. If you tell him, or rather,  _ show  _ him, that you harbor feelings for him, what else will you lose?”

“This relationship?!” he asks, incredulously . “We might be fucking but it’s something to me, ya know!”

“Doesn’t it hurt much more, then?” Akaashi presses, hoping he’s not overstepping. He needs Miya to admit that as much as he wants this, he hates it and hates the idea of never becoming something more. “Doesn’t it hurt when you can’t have him the way you wanted? Or just sex will satisfy you for the rest of your days? Then, I don’t think it’s love, Atsumu-san. I’m sorry.”

Miya blinks, taking in Akaashi’s words like a sponge. Of course he doesn’t want just sex, of course he wants more. Miya wants to shout this at him, wants to tell him he’s wrong, that sex will be enough to have him and that’s it, but the words don’t come out of his throat. He knows there’s no point in fighting Akaashi’s words, because they are true, he is right.

He looks once again to the three of them. His  _ friends _ , willing to go so far to help him with his miserable love life. Akaashi had asked Miya to trust him, showed him he understands him and asked him to believe him when he said he is basically sure the feelings he has are mutual.  _ Mutual _ . It scares him but also excites him, the idea of actually having Sakusa to like him back. He knows Sakusa is a complex person, he knows he has his own fears and doesn’t like touching outside of sex. But Miya is willing to go through whatever it takes to be with him.

_ I’m so whipped, on God,  _ he thinks miserably and he knows he’s onto it before they could even have convinced him to come over. He desperately wants Sakusa to like him back.

“Fine, you’re right,” he murmurs. Hinata and Bokuto high five smiling and cheering, while Akaashi just gives him a tired small smile. “Then, what’s the plan, huh?”

Akaashi grabs his  _ fucking laptop _ and opens a whole page about it to type his plan.

Miya, Hinata and Bokuto all groan at the same time.

.

“Keiji,” Bokuto asks when they’re alone in bed that day later. Akaashi shoots him a questioning look, placing his glasses on their nightstand. “Why didn’t we tell Tsum-Tsum that Omi-kun likes him back?”

“Because he needs Sakusa to confess himself,” Akaashi replies easily and lays down next to him, going straight into his home – Bokuto’s arms. Bokuto circles his arms around him and kisses the top of Akaashi’s head. “Besides, he wouldn’t believe us and  _ I _ would be betraying Sakusa-san’s trust in me. It’s going to be fine.”

Bokuto hums and is quiet for a moment, Akaashi thinking the conversation is dropped. “I kinda feel bad,” he murmurs suddenly, and if it weren’t for the silence in their room, Akaashi wouldn’t have heard it.

“Hmm?” he asks, dropping a small kiss on Bokuto’s jaw. 

“For them. We were hopeless once, but we got our shit together, right?”

Akaashi thinks that Bokuto’s voice sounds small, the same as when he’s insecure about their relationship – something that doesn’t happen frequently, but every now and then, one of them does get unsure about their life. “Kou,” he whispers but doesn’t move to look at him. He knows his soft tone is enough. “That’s why they have their friends,  _ us _ .”

Bokuto hums, the vibration of his chest being felt on Akaashi’s torso. He kisses his temple again and lingers, his arms around Akaashi a bit tighter than usual. 

“You’re right,” he whispers. “I’m glad it’s not us. I don’t think I could go through that.”

“Me neither,” Akaashi whispers back and he tightens his arms around Bokuto as well. “I’m glad it’s not us, too.”

.

_ First of all, Sakusa is a complex person. He will only notice you if you gain his respect. In order to do so, you have to show him you respect him and wish him well aside from the whole sex thing. _

_ So, you’re going to show him you support him especially with how he is. Wash your hands more often. Don’t touch him unless he touches you first or shows you it’s okay to do so. Don’t get too close all the time, respect his personal space. No, Atsumu-san, that doesn’t apply for when you two are having sex, I  _ cannot _ believe you’re asking this. Moving on. _

_ Use masks more often around him, as well as hand sanitizers. If anything, try to get closer to him – Atsumu-san, not physically, oh God – and get to know his hobbies, likes, dislikes and his story better. No, Atsumu-san, do not do that during sex. I swear to God… Are you going to let me finish? _

_ And,  _ please _ , remember that you have to show him not everything is about sex. Show him you’re interested in the person that Sakusa Kiyoomi is.  _

_ We will help you as you go. _

Miya Atsumu takes a deep breath. It’s Thursday morning, and he’s arriving at practice. He’s going to face Sakusa after the conversation he had last night and go through Akaashi’s plans. He will do this. 

_ I wanna throw up _ , he thinks, but walks into the gym anyways and decides he’s going to face whatever is thrown at him. He has to. Because he’s in love with Sakusa, and he’ll be damned if he’s not going to fight for him at least a little bit.

_ You better be prepared, Omi-kun. I am not giving up that easily. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Decided to drop by early and give everyone this new chap! It's a way of saying THANK YOU for 440 kudos! <3 Over 5k hits! I'm really happy to see you guys enjoy this fic <3
> 
> On the other hand, only three more chapters until we're done, sadly... I might be working on something multichaptered to post soon though... Who knows...  
> Hope you liked it!
> 
> (find me on twitter, @owlhashira)


	8. plan in motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention!  
> HINTS OF SMUT AHEAD! I don't exactly describe sex, but there's one paragraph where I talk a bit about it.  
> From _It's intoxicating._ until _It’s also the domesticity of the entire situation_.

The first five minutes of training are as awkward as Miya had expected. Of course, he doesn’t know how to act normal especially now that he  _ knows _ he will try to win Sakusa’s heart. Try being the key word here, obviously. Although Miya is usually confident in life, he isn’t sure if Sakusa would see him with other eyes – the ones that aren’t purely sexual.

Bokuto and Hinata, somehow, manage to act normally, which almost makes Miya give up.  _ He _ can’t actually act normally, but the dumb duo can? It’s almost like the universe is rubbing at his face that he has no chances with Sakusa, considering how obvious he is being right now.

During their warm up, Bokuto and Hinata stay together and avoid both Sakusa and Miya. The latter isn’t sure if it’s because of the plan or because they’re trying not to spill everything to Sakusa’s face. Even though he would like to join his crush on the warm up, he chooses to pair up with Inunaki – their libero – instead of Sakusa, but his crush doesn’t even care for it. He joins their team captain, Meian, and acts like nothing out of ordinary is happening.

Miya hates every second of this warm up. He doesn’t hate Inunaki – to be honest, Sakusa doesn’t feel any special type of way towards him – but he hates how Sakusa doesn’t even care that Miya didn’t want to pair up with him, and they fact that they usually do? Miya is kind of hurt. Sakusa doesn’t even glance at him or acknowledge him for that matter, which now pisses Miya off but makes him even more motivated to make Sakusa look at him.

He starts slowly.

After warm up, they split into groups and luckily, Sakusa and Hinata both are training spikes with Miya setting for them. Hinata gives him a wicked grin – dangerous, but yet Miya thinks it’s a harmless one – and he decides to ignore it. He does his best to pay attention to both of his teammates, but especially Sakusa. He makes sure he gets the best spikes, and even Sakusa starts noticing something wrong. 

Miya is an analytical player, and he knows when he needs to bring the most of his teammates and how to do it. However, during practice, he makes sure it’s mostly a comfortable practice instead of an intense one, since the thrill of a hard play won’t be present in a casual practice. So, Sakusa feeling Miya adapt to him an extra amount and feeling Miya give  _ his own  _ 100% makes Sakusa wonder  _ what the hell is going on _ quite fast. 

It’s hard for him to tell if it’s the same with Hinata, if he can feel it too without calling Miya out in front of him. Deciding to wait for later, he doesn’t dwell on it and allows the practice to run smoothly.

It doesn’t end there though. 

.

_ “During training, pay extra attention to him,” Hinata tells him and Bokuto nods. _

_ “I pay attention to all the people I am setting for, Shou-kun.”  _

_ Bokuto rolls his eyes at his annoyed tone. “Make him feel like you want him to be in the best shape!” _

_ “Like I said…” Miya starts but Hinata cuts him off. _

_ “Atsumu-san, I know you can make it different somehow that he will notice you paying attention to him. Just do it!” _

_ “Geez, fine, fine! Annoying, tsk.” _

_. _

After practice, before he can talk to Hinata, he notices that Miya joins him when washing his hands after the shower. He glances at him oddly, but Miya doesn’t even look at him. When they turn off their sinks though, Miya does something Sakusa had never expected.

“Omi-kun,” he chirps and Sakusa feels kind of annoyed at his happy tone. This day started off way too weird in his opinion. “Can you give me some hand sanitizer?”

Sakusa stops, blinks once, then twice and almost yells in frustration. 

Miya Atsumu died and this must be his twin brother, he’s sure.

“What?” he asks smartly, but Miya doesn’t even bat an eye. He keeps looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer with both hands forward already, as if he knows Sakusa wouldn’t deny him. 

“Hand sanitizer, please. Can I have some?”

Sakusa raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t question Miya. He pulls the hand sanitizer out of his pocket and pours some onto his hands, and wonders why would Miya even want this anyway? He’s one of the most disgusting people he has ever met – regarding this matter specifically anyway.

“Thanks,” he says but doesn’t spread it until he opens the door and closes it behind him, showing Sakusa he  _ knew _ the doorknob was disgusting.

Sakusa chokes on his own spit.

. 

_ “Why ask for the hand sanitizer?” Miya asks and Akaashi is the one who clarifies. _

_ “Sakusa-san is most likely to respect people who share the same things as he does; however, not just hobbies, but also daily routines and his compulsions. He mentioned a crush on Wakatoshi, right? Koutarou mentioned. So, he must have respect for him for many reasons, but one of them is the fact of how organized, clean and level headed he is. You might not be very level headed, but you can be organized and clean. Start with hand sanitizer, hand wipes and lint rollers. Please, do not give me that look Atsumu-san.” _

_ “....I hate you.” _

_ “No, you don’t.” _

_. _

“Can I use your lint roller?”

Sakusa gives him an odd look. “What for?”

“My jacket is full of plumes, it looks awful, honestly.”

Sakusa gives him another odd look, this time more suspicious. He hands the extra lint roller he has quietly – he wouldn’t give him the one he uses himself. Miya uses it, wipes the handle and gives it back to him, the wiper still between his hand and the handler.

He takes it quietly and Miya shoots him a grin, thanking him. Miya leaves just like that, and Sakusa’s heartbeat speeds up without permission.

_ God, no. _

.

Sakusa notices it day by day. First, it’s by Miya showing up with his own hand sanitizer and the next day, with his own lint roller. Afterwards, it just keeps getting weirder and weirder, with Miya acting like Sakusa and treating him in a weird way.

“Omi-kun, do you have hobbies?” he asks one day, and Sakusa blinks awkwardly.

“Cleaning,” is all he manages, to be honest. Miya’s soft smile had been too blinding and his mind went numb.

Then, he starts asking  _ more _ personal questions.

“Omi-kun, do you watch series? TV shows?”

“Omi-kun, what’s your favorite animal?”

“Omi-kun, is it true that you have siblings?”

“Omi-kun, do you have a childhood best friend?”

“Omi-kun, what was your childhood like?”

Sakusa can only reply to some of those – not all of them, of course, since he doesn’t know if he should share some of that information with him – with the best passive face he can manage. He hopes it’s enough, because Miya won’t stop showing him he’s interested in knowing more about Sakusa himself, and he’s terrified of the possibilities of this outcome. He doesn’t want any more of those fucked up situations to happen again.

He wonders if he should run away.

. 

_ “How do I even make him talk to me?!” he asks, exasperated. _

_ “Ask questions, obviously,” Bokuto supplies but Akaashi shoots him a nasty look. _

_ “Start with small, not very intrusive questions and slowly ask more personal questions as he opens up.” Akaashi replies. _

_ “What if he doesn’t open up, huh?”  _

_ “He will,” Hinata smiles at him and Miya shoots him an unimpressed look, but he doesn’t argue back. _

_.  _

Truth is, Sakusa wants to run away, of course. Naturally, to flee from this situation would be easier, because getting attached and getting his hopes up would mean inevitable heartbreak in the end. However, he cannot stop himself from still keeping his sex relationship with Miya.

In fact, they fuck more than ever. Sometimes, even twice a day if it’s possible.

It bugs him into no end how he can’t control himself, how Miya is so enticing and charming, how he is drawn so easily into the mystery and mess that Miya Atsumu can be and already is. He feels himself getting carried away, but every time Miya talks to him, he feels a tug at his heart harder than any tug he has ever felt.

He realizes he’s fucked up when, one day, they end up at Sakusa’s  _ own place _ .

He doesn’t invite people into his house like this. Especially not to fuck. And worse, he invited Miya not only to fuck, but to have dinner as well.

How did this happen, he has absolutely no idea. Miya had approached him with a soft smile, kind eyes and a honey dripping voice asking  _ what if he had dinner together for once Omi-kun? I want to hear more about Komori-kun! _ and Sakusa couldn’t say no. He just  _ couldn’t _ .

They fuck as soon as they arrive in Sakusa’s apartment. It’s very much clean, as Miya had expected, and worse – Miya takes all the precautions necessary not to dirty things and respect Sakusa’s living place. It makes Sakusa want to yell in frustration, and if he ends up being rougher than usual and leaving a limping Miya to have dinner afterwards, neither comment on it.

It’s intoxicating.

It’s the sex – two bodies coming together, melting onto each other, with languid and lewd kisses and noises meant only for the two of them hear. The gripping on Miya’s hair or ass when he’s pounding into him harder and harder, and Miya is moaning shamelessly into his ear  _ Omi, more, more _ like the slut Sakusa calls him to be sometimes. It’s Miya’s face when he comes, like Sakusa set him free and brought him to 7th heaven all at once, while moaning his name like a prayer. It never fails to set Sakusa on the edge and make him hit his orgasm as well.

It’s also the domesticity of the entire situation – how they both hang on the kitchen, Miya making small talk and Sakusa replying every now and then. How they both wear only sweatpants, slippers on their feet and how Miya pays attention to every detail on how Sakusa likes things. His cooking, his cleaning, his organization. It’s sweet and endearing, making Sakusa’s heart clench inside his chest with  _ love _ for Miya, for trying so hard to be there for him.

“Omi-kun, tell me about your last match of high school.”

Sakusa tells him, betraying himself when he promised he wouldn’t open up to anyone ever again.

It makes him wonder, that night. Because if Miya had feelings for him, he would have said so. But he said he likes Kita-san, his high school captain, and this odd behaviour is suspicious to Sakusa. Maybe Miya is suffering with his crush on someone he doesn’t have much contact with, maybe he’s reflecting his wants on this relationship.

_ Maybe he realized how I feel about him and he wants me to feel accepted before he turns me down _ .

Sakusa sits on his bed, groaning quietly.

_ Fuck _ .

. 

_ “Sex isn’t out of the equation yet, I assume,” Akaashi starts but Bokuto cuts him off. _

_ “Do we have to talk about this?” _

_ “Yes,” both Hinata and Akaashi answer. Bokuto and Miya groan simultaneously. _

_ “As I was saying, since sex is not out of the equation, use it in your favor to make him feel the love you have for him in bed instead.” _

_ The three other men blush. Akaashi sighs. “How old are you all?” _

_ Miya groans again and facepalms himself, but doesn’t say anything, just listens to Bokuto’s stutters and Hinata’s gaze on the ground. _

_. _

Running away was not just an option anymore, but a  _ must _ . 

If Miya had noticed his feelings for him, then he couldn’t continue this relationship anymore. Because it would hurt his feelings again, and he’s tired of being hurt by the ones he loves. He doesn’t want to go through this one more time. Running away is all he has left, even if Miya is being oddly nice about it.

“Omi-kun!” Miya says happily after training, as they’re heading home. He left before anyone this time, but Miya trails after him like a puppy. “Let’s have dinner again.”

“I’m busy,” he says not kindly and misses the disappointment that flashes through Miya’s face. He masks it with a smile, though.

“Oh,” he replies anyway. “Other time, then!”

“Maybe not,” Sakusa comments lowly, not even looking at Miya. He doesn’t hear an answer, so he keeps walking forward, not looking back.

Miya is left behind, sad, heartbroken, and confused, looking at Sakusa’s back.

.

“Omi-kun,” he tries the next day. “Want to have lunch with me?”

“Pass,” he replies and walks away again.

Miya’s smile falters slightly.

. 

_ “I thought it was working out!” _

_ “What happened? What changed?” Akaashi urges him but Miya feels like a mess. _

_ “I dunno!” he answers desperately. “He’s weird! That prick is being worse than normal!” _

_ Hinata and Bokuto share a worried look. _

_. _

“Omi-kun!” Miya starts happily. 

“I’m busy, Miya,” is Sakusa’s harsh answer.

He misses the disappointment and hurt on Miya’s face.

.

“Omi-kun, wanna practice with me?”

Sakusa doesn’t even answer.

. 

_ “He hates me,” he declares, miserably. _

_ “Atsumu-san, he doesn’t,” Hinata supplies, a supporting hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure he’s scared.” _

_ “Of me!” he says, frustrated. “I’ll just give up, ya know.” _

_ “No,” Akaashi says. “You can’t give up now, Atsumu-san.” _

_ Bokuto nods and they watch as Miya lands his head on the table in front of him, a groan coming out of his mouth. _

_. _

They don’t fuck anymore.

Sakusa avoids Miya like he’s the plague.

And Miya just  _ angsts _ about it.

He thinks he might have fucked up. Might have been too obvious, sold himself out with way too many questions and their domestic night at Sakusa’s place ( _ for the first time ever! _ ) _. _ He wonders if Sakusa caught up and is letting him down softly – in his own way, of course, which means ignoring Miya at all costs. 

He calls Bokuto and asks for an emergency meeting that night.

“What’s up?” Bokuto asks him as soon as he opens the door and welcomes Miya inside. Hinata is already in there, helping Akaashi with dinner.

Miya drops himself on the couch with the loudest and most dramatic sigh he can muster. “Sakusa  _ definitely _ hates me and it’s y’all’s fault!”

All three of them look at Miya. Hinata sighs quietly. “Oh god…”

“I swear!” Miya says, sitting up and staring at Bokuto in front of him. “He keeps turning me down, ya know! I tried it for two whole weeks and now he just started turning me down a lot since, like, three days ago!”

“Since Tuesday?” Akaashi asks while Hinata puts the table. Bokuto starts helping him. “What happened on Tuesday?”

“So, we went to his place,” he starts, until both Bokuto and Hinata gasp.

“What!” they shout at once and Akaashi shushes them, nodding to Miya to come have dinner and continue. 

Miya sits by the table. “Yeah, and like I asked him to have dinner and he invited me over! I don’t know! And then we fucked, ya know,” all other three groan at once. “I’m not going there, goddamnit, but then we cooked dinner together like a  _ couple  _ and it was sweet and he talked to me and I don’t fucking know! Now he won’t even look at me anymore!”

Hinata, Bokuto and Akaashi all look at him. “Atsumu-san…” Akaashi starts, voice kind and sweet. Miya’s heart clenches inside his chest. It feels like Akaashi is going to let him down. “Were you too straightforward, perhaps?”

Miya groans and he feels like dying. “He’s totally rejecting me.”

Nobody has the heart to correct him, even though they know Sakusa feels the same. But he has to seek Miya by himself, because he feels like he wants and can be with him. If he doesn’t want to right now, then it’s not Miya’s fault.

Sakusa is the issue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh, we're reaching the end. Only two more chapters to go!  
> Anyways, hope you guys liked it.  
> Thank you so much for reading it <3


	9. the (actually accidental) confession

Sakusa is thankful for the weekend. 

He takes a moment to cleanse himself. During Saturday and Sunday, he cleans his entire house and tries to clear his head of the thoughts he keeps having. He can’t get any more involved with Miya than he already is. He has to get his shit together, because they won’t have free weekends from now on, since the official games are getting closer and closer. Sakusa takes this moment to just come to terms with himself that this relationship with Miya has to end, and he needs to end it fast.

On Monday, Miya is absent. 

“Tsum-Tsum caught a cold!” Bokuto tells him, even though he never asked. Not out loud at least. He had been wondering. “He seemed in a terrible state but will be back soon! He was too stressed, apparently…”

Sakusa feels a _tiny_ bit guilty. What if he caused this because of Miya wanting to reject him? _Fuck_.

They train normally on Monday, even though Sakusa feels kind of antsy. However, on Tuesday, Sakusa has had enough. He’s far too gone not to admit he’s worried about Miya. He should be better by now. 

“When did his cold start?” he asks Bokuto and the other looks at him curiously. Sakusa feels weird. Did Akaashi perhaps tell him about his past?

_ No _ , he thinks,  _ I threatened him. He wouldn’t dare. And Bokuto wouldn’t be able to be quiet about this. _

“Sunday, I think… He should feel better by Friday, I guess? Keiji said so at least!”

Sakusa nods, not willing to say anything else. He has this worry stuck in his gut, and he wants to visit Miya. But that would be 1) disgusting, 2) absolutely out of his character, 3) suspicious and also 4) did he mention  _ disgusting as hell? _

He doesn’t dwell on it during training, but it doesn’t leave his mind either.

. 

By the end of training, Bokuto approaches him.

“Omi-kun!” he says, face sad. “I wanted to bring some soup to Tsum-Tsum but I forgot I have dinner with Akaashi and his colleagues! Can you do it for me, please?”

Sakusa wants to punch Bokuto and Akaashi at once, no matter how repulsive that sounds. He  _ wants _ to go, but he doesn’t want to seem like he does. He gives Bokuto the best disgusting face he can muster while still wearing a mask.

“I beg you, Omi-kun!” Bokuto tries again. “No one else can, I already asked!”

Sakusa feels conflicted, because he doesn’t exactly enjoy being the asshole of the team – that’s just who he is – and if no one else can go, then why can’t he either? Besides, he  _ wants _ to see how Miya is doing, because he is worried, even though he might look like he is cold hearted and a jerk. However, he’s not going to give in easily. Bokuto needs to beg a bit more.

“You want me to visit a restaurant and a sick person? No, I’m fine.”

“But!” Bokuto continues and shows him the bag he’s carrying. “I already bought okayu! Someone has to deliver it to him and make sure he’s okay!”

“Bok––” he tries but Bokuto  _ doesn’t let him finish, goddamnit! _

“There’s a spare key under his plant!” he continues and puts the okayu on his hands. “I trust you to check up on him!”

_ Fucking Bokuto Koutarou _ , he thinks. It’s hard to say no when he uses those hopeful eyes, full of energy and kindness. “Omi-kun, I’ll do anything, just please go!”

He sighs. “Fine,” he says finally, voice just a bit bitter, because he was cornered into this situation. “But I will take upon this promise someday.” 

Bokuto beams at him, smiling happily and thanking him as he leaves, yelling his address as he runs. Not that Sakusa didn’t already know Miya’s address, and Bokuto probably knows this as well. Anyway.

He realizes that he should buy some stuff and be prepared just as he walks by a drugstore. He’s happy he has a hand sanitizer, because he’s about to go through a lot of repulsive things just for Miya. Also, what if he has a fever? Might as well take some medicine. As he enters the place, he eyes some safer masks – the N95 type –, gloves, and then he realizes.

_ Huh. I should protect myself _ .

.

He is less disgusted than he thought he would be by the idea of dropping by to visit and  _ help _ a sick person. Don’t get him wrong, he still hates the idea, but just a little bit less than normal. He doesn’t like the idea of seeing Miya sick and alone that much, and a part of him feels drawn into his apartment to take care of him. Sakusa wants that domesticity, the normalcy of a relationship, the tiny moments that couples share with each other at their own places. He never got to have that and now that he tasted it, he  _ craves _ it.

When he arrives at Miya’s building, he greets the doorsman – already so used to seeing him there –, and goes up to Miya’s floor. He feels nervous, not being sure if it’s because he’ll face a sick person, or because he’ll face a sick  _ Miya Atsumu _ , the person he’s currently in love with.

_ I hate this so much. I hope Bokuto doesn’t get laid for a long time for doing this to me _ , he thinks bitterly just as he fishes the hidden key and opens the door to Miya’s place. It’s clean, which is odd for a person who is sick and can’t keep the house organized, but he doesn’t think much of it. Someone probably came earlier and cleaned the apartment for him.

“Miya?” he calls out and hears no answer. Being a bit used to his place – though more to his bedroom than anything –, he goes straight to the kitchen with the okayu and pulls out the other things he bought. He cleans the place he touches, washes his hands and puts on the gloves with the new mask already on his face. Grabbing the okayu, a bottle of water he found on the fridge and the pills, he heads to the bedroom.

Miya Atsumu is passed out cold in the middle of his bed, cocooned inside a huge, fluffy blanket, snoring slightly. It makes Sakusa’s heart clench at the scene, and he’s too proud to admit he spent way too many seconds just staring at him, before putting the things on his bedside table. He nudges Miya softly, trying to wake him up.

“Miya, hey. Miya, wake up.”

He nudges him again and Miya goans softly. “Hmmmm, what is it?”

“I brought okayu,” he answers simply and Miya doesn’t even open his eyes. Sakusa stares at him and then nudges him again. “You have to eat and take some medicine.”

“Don’t wanna,” he whines quietly but opens his eyes anyway, foggy with sleep and fever. He doesn’t look very conscious and Sakusa wonders if his fever is too high for him to even understand what’s happening.

“Where’s your thermometer?” he asks instead, and Miya tries to sit up. He groans again, putting one of his hands on his head. “Miya, focus on me. Thermometer?”

“Bedside table?” he murmurs, answering with another question, and Sakusa looks for it. He finds it, thankfully, just as Miya manages to actually sit with the blanket around his shoulders. His hair is a mess and he looks sick as hell, but Sakusa thinks it’s  _ cute. _

_ Fuck you, mind _ , he supplies back to his consciousness. 

He manages to make Miya eat some of the okayu – he does  _ not _ feed him, thank you – while Sakusa takes his temperature. Miya doesn’t look awake enough, and he closes his eyes for a moment too long more than once. Sakusa almost pities him and decides to feed him, but he feels like that would be too much for his poor heart (and pride as well). 

“Omi-Omi…” he breathes and Sakusa looks at him just as he had come back from getting a cloth to put on his forehead. His temperature is higher than he had expected, and after Miya took the meds and was still eating, Sakusa left to get a cold, wet cloth for him. He’s about to ask what’s wrong when Miya continues. “I wish Omi-Omi was here…”

Sakusa blinks. Does Miya not realize he’s right there right now?

“Why is that?” he asks, not being able to help his curiosity. Miya puts the mostly empty bowl in front of him as he pulls his blankets tighter around him.

“Omi-Omi would know how to take care of me…” he murmurs more to himself than to the other person in the room. “He’s all clean, ya know… and he could take care of meeeee….”

“That’s a...fair point.” Sakusa says awkwardly, hoping Miya would just go to sleep. He  _ is _ there, and would Miya actually want him there if he wasn’t high on this fever? He doesn’t know the answer and he’s not sure if he wants to know.

Sighing, he lays down and closes his eyes, still murmuring softly in the quiet bedroom. “We could cuddle, ya know, but I’m sick! He wouldn’t want cuddles! I wanna cuddle Omi-Omi…tell him I love him…”

Rolling over, his back now facing Sakusa, Miya passes out, his snores filling the silence in the bedroom.

Sakusa is frozen. He wants to scold him for sleeping after eating, but the medicine probably started working and he does have a fever, so he doesn’t. Miya said he wants Sakusa to take care of him. Miya said he wants Sakusa to cuddle with him. Miya said that he  _ loves _ Sakusa.

Taking a deep breath, he takes the bowl away and makes Miya lay on his back so Sakusa can put the cloth on his forehead. Miya barely stirs, still sleeping deeply and Sakusa is thankful for the heavy medication. He takes the empty bowl, leaves the bottle of water on his bedside table and heads to the kitchen, closing the door behind him. 

He freaks the fuck out the moment he’s out of the room.

“He said  _ love _ , I’m sure of it,” he murmurs to himself and then proceeds to do the cleaning while talking to himself. “I don’t think I’ve heard it wrong. Did I? Am I that desperate for it?”

He finishes his cleaning while his mind runs wild with the possibilities that Miya brought into his life with that simple sentence. If Miya does feel the same, – and that’s a big if in Sakusa’s head, since 1) Miya has a high fever and could be out of himself, and 2) Sakusa is a bit too desperate and his mind could be deceiving him – then what would he actually do?

_ No, _ he thinks,  _ I heard it right. But then why wouldn’t he say anything? _

Then if Miya actually feels the same, they have a chance of pursuing a relationship. An actual relationship. Which means Miya would get to meet the true form of Sakusa Kiyoomi and suddenly, the dreading in his stomach turns into something much, much worse than it was previously. 

What if he disappoints him? What if Sakusa is so broken that Miya leaves him forever?

He leaves and decides to never talk about this.

Some people just aren’t meant to be loved. And he is one of these people.

.

It takes Miya another three days to fully recover, so by the time Saturday arrives, he already feels much better. His fever went away on Wednesday night, and he feels less dead than he was feeling before. His muscles ache for some exercise – since he would do it daily and then to nothing at all in a halt –, and his heart yearns for some volleyball time. Well, maybe volleyball and Sakusa time, he’s not going to deny that.

But Sakusa avoids him like the plague. He doesn’t acknowledge him, doesn’t speak to him, only looks at him when he must during practice. He’s not even the usual passive aggressive he is, he just seems to be invisible to the point that Miya wonders where he went wrong during these days he was away and why Sakusa acts like he doesn’t exist now. 

He takes a deep breath and pretends not to notice anything for the day. Bokuto and Hinata keep sending him odd looks all the time, but he doesn’t pay attention. He focuses on volleyball and, for once, he is able to fully concentrate. He forgets his gay panic for Sakusa and enjoys playing like he hasn’t in awhile, allowing his heart and body to get the volleyball exercise he needed. But his heart still tugs sometimes, as if it’s saying  _ we want Sakusa, too! _

At the end of training, Sakusa is off like a bullet. They have the Sunday off because the coach had an important appointment, so at the first opportunity of leaving to be alone, Sakusa just leaves. Miya doesn’t rush into leaving, knowing it doesn’t matter at this point. He lingers behind and so does Bokuto and Hinata.

“Thank you, Bokkun,” he says quietly and Bokuto shoots him a confused look. They have all finished changing and are about to leave when Miya starts speaking. “The okayu helped… And so did the medicine. Thank you for dropping by.”

“What?” Bokuto barks a laugh. “Damn, Tsum-Tsum, were you so sick you didn’t even recognize the person there?”

Miya frowns. “Not funny, Bokkun. I don’t even remember it that much! I just noticed someone dropped by and took care of me in the morning, ya know. I had a high fever, I guess.”

Bokuto sobers. “Tsum-Tsum, I didn’t drop by. Omi-kun did.”

Miya sobers just as fast. “What.”

Hinata decides to butt in. “You don’t remember what happened at all, Atsumu-san?”

“No!” he almost yells and groans loudly. “Is that why he’s avoiding me even more?!”

Bokuto and Hinata share a look. “Maybe you should talk to him?”

Miya glances at both of them before staring at his feet. He misses being his usual more confident self, the one who isn’t afraid of taking risks and is confident of what he’s doing. But this is  _ Sakusa _ . The cold hearted, so called bastard Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya can’t help but feel terrified of dragging this relationship to the grave because he has feelings for him. He has tried showing to him he cares, tried to show him he’s not as much of a bastard as he lets on, he has  _ tried _ enough times now. Sakusa doesn’t want him, and if he decides to keep trying, the team dynamic might be at risk.

His team has to be his priority, sadly.

“Maybe not,” he says quietly but gives his teammates a confident look. “The team comes up first. I’ll fix this and let it be. It’s for the best… Whatever anyway.”

“Atsumu-san…” Hinata starts but Miya shakes his head.

“Don’t worry, heartbreak won’t kill me, ya know,” he says and laughs quietly. 

Bokuto and Hinata share worried looks, but don’t make any more comments.

He looks like he has already made up his mind.

.

Bokuto and Hinata wave goodbye at Miya and continue walking to their station. They both are quiet anddeep in thought when Hinata decides to break it, finally.

“What do we do?” he asks Bokuto, looking at him, expecting an answer.

Bokuto hums. “This calls for an emergency meeting at my place. I’ll call Keiji and give him the details.”

Hinata nods. They both continue to walk in silence for a moment longer, deep in thought on how to help their friends/teammates. Worry and different scenarios go through their minds. How to help without making this relationship go even deeper into a hole. Then, Bokuto sighs and calls Akaashi. They are going to fix this.

.

“We’re already too invested to let this go!” Bokuto says as soon as they arrive at his and Akaashi’s place. Hinata looks at him amusedly, but can’t dwell too much on it. He’s still thinking of Miya.

“I didn’t even say a word yet, Kou,” Akaashi replies with a sigh and waves at them to join him on the couch with the tea he had prepared for them as soon as Bokuto had called. “I agree with you. We’re already too deep to just let them break apart like this.”

“We have to come up with a plan or something,” Hinata says as he takes a seat with them and chooses a mug. “I think Atsumu-san said something to Sakusa, because he was acting awkward today and avoiding Atsumu-san even more, so…”

“Yeah,” Bokuto agrees quietly. “Omi-kun looked terrified of coming close to Tsum-Tsum… Maybe he confessed by accident or something?”

“It’s possible,” Akaashi replies and takes off his glasses to rub his eyes. “This is going to be a headache, but if Sakusa-san is the one being the problem, he’s the one who we have to face.”

Hinata and Bokuto groan. “How are we even going to do that, Keiji?!”

Akaashi gives them a tired but confident look. “Leave this part to me.”

.

Akaashi Keiji is a man on a mission. He had been the one who decided to mingle for real in the beginning, since Bokuto would ruin things between themselves and between his teammates’ lives. Akaashi had been the one to bring this to himself and now, he will take his stand. He will finish this and make sure his life has its normalcy back. He  _ will _ for the sake of his relationship and his goddamn sex life.

So, on Sunday morning he calls Sakusa, inviting him to lunch – more like begging, since Sakusa wasn’t into the idea – and then he moved on with his plan.

This suffering is going to end  _ right now _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll upload the final chapter on Saturday or Sunday.  
> Can't believe we're already at the end, ahhhh. It's been a ride!  
> Thank you so much for reading! <3


	10. Atsumu's final move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hints of smut!!

Sakusa doesn’t want to be here, he decides the second he arrives at the restaurant. He agreed to come after Akaashi had begged him to, telling him some half-assed excuse about the proposal – something he wasn’t sure would work, but Sakusa didn’t say no. He arrives at the restaurant at the time they had agreed on and notices Akaashi sitting on the corner. He is thankful for Akaashi being discrete, since Sakusa also is. He nods at him as he takes a seat.

“Sakusa-san, thank you so much for joining me,” Akaashi greets him and Sakusa is already bored and a bit annoyed. He doesn’t want to be here.

“Akaashi-san,” he replies respectfully. His respect for Akaashi has faltered considering everything, but he will give him at least this bit. But he isn’t up for this kind of crap today. He’s tired of this. “Why am I here?”

Akaashi blinks.  _ Straight to the point _ , he thinks. “Sakusa-san, I invited you over to ask you to confess to Atsumu-san. I am quite tired of watching you both tiptoe around each other.”

Then, it’s Sakusa’s turn to blink at Akaashi. The proposal idea was bait.  _ Hasn’t it always been?,  _ he thinks for a second. “You keep in touch with him?”

Akaashi doesn’t want to lie, but then again, does he have a choice? “No, but Koutarou honestly complains quite a lot. And since you told me about your feelings, I believe it’s safe for you to confess.”

Sakusa scoffs and Akaashi frowns. Sakusa is getting defensive  _ fast _ . “I don’t think this is really your business, Akaashi-san. With all respect,  _ of course _ ,” he replies, irony dripping from his words.

“Of course not,” Akaashi says softly. “But please, for the sake of you both, confessing right now won’t bring any more damage than it already has. Either way, the outcome is either close or almost the same or you two getting together. I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t.”

“You don’t understand,” Sakusa says lowly, voice dark. “You don’t have a single clue about me.”

Sakusa gets up, but so does Akaashi, and he’s rambling out the words as soon and as low as he can before Sakusa leaves. “Please, Sakusa-san. Consider this.”

“Coming from someone afraid of proposing, I’m not sure if I should hear you out,” he spits before walking away, leaving Akaashi standing alone on the table.

The waiter comes and asks Akaashi if he’s ready to order. He shakes his head and sits back at the table. Well, plan A backfired quite quickly. Grabbing his phone, he settles for plan B. He won’t give up yet.

.

Miya Atsumu is quite confused when Akaashi Keiji calls him to meet him at the restaurant close to his apartment  _ right now, please _ , but he goes anyway. It must be important, since he sounds urgent and tells him it has to do with his proposal idea. Perhaps he has finally decided Miya’s idea is more logical to make Bokuto say yes – Sakusa’s idea be damned, he thinks, but ignores the thought before he dwells too much on the Sakusa topic – and wants help with it. He arrives at the restaurant to meet a slightly distressed Akaashi, sitting and waiting for him.

“Akaashi,” he greets as he takes his seat and Akaashi is hit with dejavu.  _ Too soon, it happened just a moment ago, _ he thinks. “What’s up?”

“Atsumu-san, I am glad to see you in better health,” Akaashi starts, playing it safe and making Miya feel comfortable. “Koutarou and I were quite worried.”

Miya grins at him, feeling a bit playful. “Well, damn, a flu isn’t enough to bring me down, ya know!”

“Of course not,” he smiles softly and sighs quietly. “I talked to Sakusa-san today.”

Miya’s smile drops.  _ Fuck _ . “What does that have to do with me?”

“Everything, believe it or not,” Akaashi says and gives him a soft, sincere look. “I know you might not like hearing this, but I’ve been watching you and Sakusa-san for awhile now. And it’s quite exhausting to see you both in denial of your feelings.”

Miya laughs bitterly. “There’s no denial from me, Akaashi. I tried to win him over, remember? And how did that turn out, huh? For the worst, yeah. I don’t think it’s mutual.”

“Think about it carefully, Atsumu-san,” he pleads quietly. “What happened when he visited you when you were sick?”

Miya sighs but tries to remember. He remembers eating, maybe taking a pill… At some point, he remembers the coldness on his forehead, which had made him shiver, and he remembers the coldness of the gloves…

_ Gloves, who would wear gloves around me if not Sakusa himself? _ he realizes and then it hits him, like a bucket of the coldest water to ever exist, bringing him straight into the reality of what happened. Sakusa was there. And on that afternoon, he had complained to Bokuto that he missed Sakusa. So, he probably confessed to him while he was in a fever high moment, it’s what suddenly makes sense. Sakusa avoiding him, not looking at him, not even acknowledging him... It’s probably because Miya confessed.

He’s like 99% sure he did it.

“I probably confessed,” he says quietly and Akaashi’s eyes grow wide. “And if I actually did it, this is his way of saying no, I guess.”

Akaashi shakes his head. “Think again, Atsumu-san. Would Sakusa act any different if he didn’t like you back? Wouldn’t he simply reject you and move on? Why run away?”

Miya looks at Akaashi, letting his questions sink in. Those are valid points, he admits, and he does wonder  _ why _ Sakusa would run away. He remembers the last time Sakusa had been comfortable around him and it had been somewhere during their dinner together at Sakusa’s place, when they had been comfortable around each other and acted so domestic it made Miya’s heart ache with happiness and love. Sakusa had opened up, had shown him he cared and... _ oh _ . 

_ Oh _ . “Is he… Scared?” He tries, quietly and Akaashi nods.

“He  _ is _ , Atsumu-san,” he replies softly. “Are you going to show him there’s nothing to be afraid of or are you going to walk away from this?”

Miya looks at him. “Have you ever seen me walk away from a challenge?”

Akaashi smiles.

.

Miya Atsumu is a man on a mission. He’s going to find Sakusa and fix this. He’s going to show him he can love a man with all his emotional baggage included, and that he’s not afraid of showing him this every single day. Miya is going to show Sakusa that he loves him for who he  _ is _ , qualities and flaws, with his annoying, rude personality and all. 

Miya is going to show Sakusa he is loved by him.

.

_ “Wait a second, what about your proposal?” _

_ “Oh my god, Atsumu-san, we can discuss this after you two are finally together.” _

.

Sakusa isn’t expecting anyone. So, when Miya arrives at his place uninvited, with Sakusa in a sour mood – his conversation with Akaashi had made him quite mad and upset, honestly –, he really considers telling him to go away. But he also knows Miya Atsumu and he knows he won’t leave until he has to say whatever he has to.

He lets him in, quietly.

Miya is respectful as the last time he was there. He washes his hand, takes off his jacket and slides into the slippers. Sakusa mentions for them to go to the living room, and Miya follows him without a word spoken between them.

Then, he’s spilling all at once.

“I know I probably confessed to you already, but it seems unfair doing it without even remembering,” he says, and although his face seems confident, his voice is shaking slightly. “I want to remember your face when I tell you this. I’m in love with you, Omi-kun.”

Sakusa had been expecting this in a way. Since Miya had confessed during his fever/sleepy situation, he has been expecting this to happen at some point. But he hadn’t expected Miya to be so straightforward and for it to happen so soon. He stares at Miya’s confident face – which is starting to falter – and sighs quietly. He doesn’t want to do this, but now he has to.

After so many years hoping, yearning to be loved back, Sakusa finally gets this and yet he is about to reject it. He feels awful inside, but then again, it is what it is. 

“Miya, we shouldn’t–” he starts but Miya cuts him off.

“No,” he says. “You call me Atsumu. Don’t you  _ dare _ , Omi-kun.”

“Atsumu,” he almost pleads. “We shouldn’t just go there. You and I know that–” 

Miya cuts him off once again. “Are you gonna bring the whole ‘I have emotional baggage shit’ like for real?”

Sakusa frowns angrily. “Are you ever going to let me fucking finish?!”

“If I feel like it’s bullshit that’s coming, then no, I ain’t!”

“Atsumu, you’re  _ really _ infuriating sometimes, I swear…”

“Well, when you’re being this stubborn, I have to!”

“Why do you even care?!” Sakusa suddenly yells, and Miya blinks at him, his face becoming soft and kind. Sakusa hates it and hates how much he yearns for it.

Miya slides into his personal space. He doesn’t flinch, because after so much fucking, he’s used to his presence now. “I love you. Do I need a reason bigger than that?”

Sakusa wants to cry. He doesn’t even know why. “You do, actually,”

“Well,” Miya starts, feeling self conscious. “Can I touch you first?”

It makes Sakusa blink at him, but he nods. Perhaps he’s a masochist, letting this moment happen, just like this. But he feels like letting go, like getting rid of the weight on his chest that bothers him so much. He wants to accept Miya’s love, no matter how afraid he is. No, how  _ terrified  _ he feels. He wants it.

The way Miya carefully touches his cheek with his right hand, softly caressing the skin over his cheekbone. He looks at him with wonder, love and affection, something Sakusa has never experienced before.

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone like I love you,” Miya confesses quietly and holds eye contact with him. He looks more confident than ever, ready to take over Sakusa’s heart.  _ Like he hasn’t already _ , Sakusa thinks and his heart clenches, screaming  _ let it go, let it go _ . “I know you have your emotional baggage. I have mine. We all do. I don’t know what or who made you this afraid, but allow me to show you that we can change this. We can be a good thing if we both want. Omi, let me love you, please.”

Sakusa breathes out, shakily. “Like you haven’t already,” is all he replies before Miya grabs him by the neck and  _ finally  _ kisses him with the emotions they both had been desperately hiding away.

It’s slow and sweet at the beginning, lips caressing each other with tongues meeting halfway through it. Their hands find place on each other’s bodies and a sigh is shared between them, the kiss being more romantic than it normally is, but something they welcome with open arms. It soon grows urgent though, because they haven’t fucked in a while, and they miss that, too.

“Omi,” Miya whispers between them. “Don’t you have something to tell me?”

“That I want to fuck you, like, right now on this couch?”

Miya rolls his eyes but laughs, chest light and a taste of sweetness on his tongue. “Okay, what else, ya jerk?”

Sakusa smirks softly and whispers on his ear. “I’ll tell you if bend over this couch right now and let me fuck you like I’ve never before.”

Miya smirks back. “It’s a deal.”

Sakusa fucks him on the couch.

Then, later, they do it again in the bedroom, more slowly and shamelessly lewd, in a way they had never before. With sweet kisses and gentle whispers, with soft looks and kind words. Sakusa  _ made love _ with Miya this time, and they took their sweet time enjoying it, making sure it would be carved into their minds forever. With snaps of hips, thrusting like coming home and sweet, honey dripping noises coming out of their mouths.

It’s the final piece of their weird and complicated puzzle, the coming together of two so different people, the melting of two souls yearning for each other. Sakusa leaves marks all over Miya with his mouth and Miya leaves marks all over Sakusa with his fingernails. 

This moment feels eternal and unforgettable. And it will always be a part of them, since it was the first time Miya whispered ‘I love you’ to which Sakusa replied back with ‘I love you, too’.

.

_ “Bokkun, Shoukun and Akaashi helped me a lot.” _

_ “Without them, you’d never get anywhere.” _

_ “Meanie. Ya jerk.” _

_ “Whatever, crybaby.” _

.

Akaashi arrives at work on Monday and finds out someone sent him breakfast as a gift – which he is partially thankful for, since Bokuto didn’t let him sleep the night previously because he was worried about Sakusa and Miya, so he was kind of late for work today, up all night comforting his boyfriend –, and then learns it’s from Sakusa.

At first, Akaashi is confused. Then, there’s a note attached and it simply says  _ you did it, now it’s your turn _ , with a  thank you on the back and it all made Akaashi sweat profusely. First, he texts Bokuto asking how things were at training and then he sits at his office, wondering what he should do. Seeing people getting together reminded him of his early days with Bokuto, how afraid he had been and how much he has grown since then. He  _ wants  _ to propose, but he is also afraid of the outcome. Bokuto isn’t even publicly out and apart from the close people around them, no one knows about their relationship.

Proposing is a big step. He thinks of Atsumu’s idea and hates it, but when he thinks of Sakusa’s idea, he thinks he might just do it. 

He opens his laptop. Time to shop for some rings.

.

“Keiji!” Bokuto almost yells as he arrives home with their takeout. Akaashi is on his laptop ‘working’ – looking for rings, honestly – when Bokuto comes near him and he closes his laptop. They share a quick kiss and Akaashi is ready to hear about everything.

“The tension was gone! And Tsum-Tsum and Omi-kun were throwing heart eyes at each other, uhh in their own way I guess, but anyways, they were doing it all the time! We did it!”

Akaashi smiles softly and joins Bokuto at the table.

He doesn’t know what he has ever been afraid of. They could get married in secret, not wanting to ruin Bokuto’s career, but then maybe it’s better if they discuss again what Bokuto thinks of it anyway. Akaashi doesn’t want to assume the outcome, and they always talk through everything anyway, this should be no exception.

They eat dinner sharing a friendly conversation. Bokuto is energetic as always, and Akaashi enjoys this as he plays footsie with him under the table. He will start his flirting ahead since he really wants to have private time tonight.  _ It’s finally over, we can have this without Koutarou whining _ , he thinks dreamily and by the time he realizes, dinner is over.

Akaashi is jumping on him before Bokuto even has time to react. They haven’t even done the dishes yet. “Kou,” he whispers between the urgent kisses. “Kou, I miss you so much, oh  _ God _ ,”

Bokuto laughs quietly, kissing Akaashi’s neck, making him sigh, content. “I miss you, too, Keiji,”

They move to the bedroom, where they kiss slow but still passionately. Akaashi roams his hands everywhere on Bokuto’s body, as if to memorize everything he had forgotten. Bokuto isn’t playing around for once, taking off Akaashi’s clothes and going straight for his butt, so they can hump on each other while Akaashi is naked and Bokuto is wearing boxers.

“Kou,” Akaashi moans urgently. Bokuto kisses him harder, and this time it’s lewd and purely sexual. Akaashi is so turned on, it  _ hurts _ . “ _ Please _ ,” he whispers and Bokuto grants him what he needs.

What Akaashi needs is a slow, rough and full of love sex.

.

_ The afterglow is the best time _ echos inside his mind, and Akaashi remembers that he doesn't even have a ring, a conversation planned or anything settled inside his mind.

But it doesn’t matter, not when his mind and heart are screaming at him to propose right here and right now. It seems fitting to what Sakusa had said, and Akaashi wonders about his possibilities and fears.  _ Haven’t we overcome everything together already though?  _

“Kou,” he whispers softly while they’re cuddling and Bokuto hums, his chest vibrating under Akaashi’s cheek. Bokuto’s fingers are massaging Akaashi’s scalp and he realizes he just wants the official title to call him  _ his _ . 

“Yeah?” Bokuto asks him quietly, his fingers not stopping. Akaashi puts his chin on his neck so he can look at Bokuto’s face, which is serene and content right now. Just like Akaashi’s heart.

“Will you marry me?”

Bokuto chokes on the air. Akaashi has to sit up and pull him along, patting softly on his back. “Keiji, baby, you can’t just drop a question like that on me with no warning,”

“Sorry,” he says, not really sorry, but looks at him expectantly. “I’m serious, though.”

His boyfriend stares at him for a second, before breaking into the brightest smile Akaashi has ever seen – the one which blinds him and makes him forget the sun’s existence, since it can’t even compare to Bokuto’s smile. He can’t help but smile back. 

“I’d be an idiot to say no when I love you so much,” he says lowly, just between them, and kisses Akaashi’s cheek softly. “Yes, I will marry you. I really, really will.”

Akaashi breaks into a grin. “I’m so glad,” he says before kissing Bokuto full on the mouth, pouring all the emotions he can muster into this kiss. “What about your career?”

“Let’s figure that out later,” Bokuto decides and kisses him again. “Right now, I can only think of making more sexy things with my  _ fiancé _ .”

Akaashi laughs and kisses him again, both of them falling into bed together, lips locked.  _ Finally _ , Akaashi thinks as they kiss,  _ my life is back to normal. It has even upgraded. _

_ Finally _ .

.

Miya sends Akaashi a pot with a cactus inside, which makes him confused. The note says,  _ the only child that Bokuto could probably take care of and I’m still afraid it will die. Thanks, though. I appreciate it. Name the cactus after me, please, or y’all fake as hell. _

Bokuto names it  _ the idiot asshole _ but doesn’t let it die. He grows quite fond of it in the end, even though it’s a reference to Miya. Akaashi is just thankful his life is normal again.

“But Shoukun seems to be mentioning Kageyama a lot…”

_ God, no. Not again. _

_ I can’t _ .

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I've had fun! I'll be honest, I wrote this more than a month ago hahah I had the fic finished since chapter two I think, so... through the months, my style has changed a bit and I really considered rewriting this fic, but I wanted to keep my consistency and also let you guys have what I wanted to write since the beginning of this.  
> So, thank you SO MUCH for reading! I cannot believe we surpassed 600 kudos oh my god. I'm beyond speechless, thank you thank you!  
> Also, a huge thank you to all my friends who have been with me since the beginning of this and for my amazing beta reader, Milly, for putting up with my ass and helping me with everything! I love y'all <3  
> Thank you for letting me share this and for being a part of it.  
> <3
> 
> (I did the entire bokuaka week if you're interested and I'm taking a break from writing right now, but I'll be back soon with some exciting projects! can't wait to share <3 I'm on a break rn but find me on twt @owlhashira)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it!  
> First of all, thank you Emily for editing, reading and brainstorming with me. She's my co-creator and co-writer whether she likes it or not, and i love you! thank you for being my partner in writing <3  
> also a huge shout out to the hq server i'm in, y'all help me brainstorm so much as well! thank you!
> 
> It's not very long, I know. I'm currently halfway through the fanfiction and I intend to continue posting this in two weeks, perhaps. I want to wait until I'm almost or already done to continue because I am afraid I might want to change some topics I am working on.  
> However! I'd love to hear some feedback! Gimme your opinions, be honest, I can take it! Kudos or any comments, suggestions, questions, everything is appreciated and heard here okay? <3  
> I hope y'all liked it and I hope y'all will be here in two weeks for more chapters! 
> 
> (i'm not currently on twitter, but i will be back! dm me @owlhashira if you want, i don't bite!)


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